When our little ones get upset or angry, it’s normal to want to soothe them so they don’t feel sad anymore. But it’s very important that we as parents do not bypass these negative emotions and instead, teach our children to learn about how emotions feel in the body and that no emotion is wrong or bad.

Many schools now take building emotional intelligence very seriously and include ‘circles’ in their daily preschool practice; children are asked to show how they feel, either by using images of emotions or by describing how they feel and what it feels like in their body. The education system is increasingly discovering that children need to feel safe and secure before they’re ready to learn. This is why there is more of an emphasis on teaching children social and emotional skills before they go to school.

But we can also teach our children emotional intelligence at home. Before we go into the various ways you can teach your child how to understand their emotions, let’s explore why communicating emotions is so important.

Why helping children communicate their emotions is so important.

Regularly talking to our children about their emotions helps them understand what is going on in their minds and how it makes their bodies feel. Let’s take a look at a few reasons why this is so important:

Building emotional intelligence has a major effect on how our child’s brains develop and how resilient they are. If we stay emotionally responsive to our children, it will enable connections to be made, which will help to develop their brains; this will help our little ones be more resilient to life’s challenges later on in life.

Teaching your child to identify how they are feeling and communicate freely, builds confidence and self-acceptance. This means they will have much higher self-esteem when they are older.

Hearing your child articulate how they feel helps you to understand the feelings behind your child’s behaviour and set better boundaries. For example, “Amy, I am wondering if you are feeling really angry because Ben is playing with your new toy? You are stomping your feet and crossing your arms with a big frown on your face. But it is not OK to hit Matthew. Matthew looks very sad and is crying because you hit him.” By saying this, you are sending the message that you accept their emotion but not their behaviour.

Your child’s increased capacity to understand emotion enables them to relate better to other children, concentrate better at school, and regulate their emotions more effectively so they are more able to deal with conflict.

Your child is more able to empathise with others, thus supporting healthy relationships when they’re older. They will have a greater capacity to understand different points of view and consider other people's feelings.

Building emotional intelligence encourages your child to self-regulate. Identifying and communicating their emotions helps your child to control how they respond to their emotions and consider the consequences before acting on impulse.

Now we’ve looked at some of the reasons why emotional intelligence is so important for your little one, let’s explore some ways you can support your child to become more emotionally aware.

How can I teach my child to understand their emotions?

Here are some fun and simple ways to help your child develop an emotional vocabulary and understanding.

Use words of emotion in everyday communication with your child. “I can see that you are crying because you fell over and grazed your knee. I think that is making you sad. It’s OK to be sad. Let’s get a plaster on it for you.”

Support your child to understand their feelings. For example,“You look really happy playing with your monster truck. You’re smiling and laughing a lot.”

Make puppets. You can use anything you can find to make puppets. Maybe you’d like to use a wooden spoon, socks, or paper bags - get creative! Your little one can design their puppet to have whichever emotion they choose; then ask your child to talk about what the puppet is feeling and what might have happened to make them feel like that.

Mirror games. This involves playing a game with your child where you take it in turns to show different emotional faces in the mirror. This helps children understand and identify what an emotion looks and feels like.

Emotion pictures. Another fun thing you can do with your child is to draw a picture that describes their emotion. For example, if they were going to make a picture of what “happy” looks like, they may draw a smiley sun with smiley trees and smiley people. Alternatively, they may want to draw a picture of what “sad” looks like by drawing a cloud with a sad face and a sad-looking person.

Using nature to express emotions. If your child is feeling extra crafty, invite them to collect some objects from outside that they can use to make an art piece. They can use sticks, leaves and flowers as part of their emotional picture.

How can I help my child with emotional expression?