Mothering starts before birth, with proper antenatal care and keeping your mental, physical, and emotional health in check, but did you know you can also bond with your unborn baby? From massage to music and conversation, bonding with your baby while they are still in the womb can help with everything from monitoring their movements to allowing you to access your own little world when you need to keep the oxytocin flowing during labour.

What are prenatal dialogue groups?

Prenatal dialogue groups are classes you can take (usually from 20 weeks of pregnancy, by which time you should be used to your baby moving) to help you intentionally connect with your baby in a quiet space and talk about your pregnancy with people going through similar experiences. They may also involve pregnancy massage and yoga, as well as capturing your prenatal experience through art and writing. They can be a wonderful experience, especially if you find pregnancy isolating or are looking to complement your traditional antenatal classes. However, you do not have to take them—or engage in any form of paid education—to connect with your baby. You are free to do this any time or in any way that feels right for you. You also don’t have to rely on them for mental health support, especially if you don’t feel comfortable discussing this aspect of your pregnancy in a group setting. Speak to your midwife or doctor about your mental health rather than waiting for issues to subside or attempting to self-treat.

When can I start talking to my baby?

Some mothers report talking to their baby from the time they discover they are pregnant. There is no harm in this, especially if it calms you or enhances your mood. Your baby won’t be able to hear anything until about four and a half months, and even then it will be sounds inside your body, while sounds outside will be quite muted. Around 27 weeks, they should be able to hear voices, including yours and that of your partner, as well as song lyrics when you play music, though there is really nothing that should stop you from talking to your baby any time, if you feel like it.

Trust your instincts and listen to your heart.

According to The Secret Life of the Newborn Child: A Remarkable and Controversial Look at Life Before Birth, your baby should feel celebrated and welcomed into the world, and that can start when they are still in the womb. This book implies your baby is receiving information that can change the architecture of their developing brain, and while there is some truth to this, more research is necessary to prove it conclusively. Letting your baby feel love from you and the people around you in pregnancy provides them with positive energy throughout your pregnancy.

Nurture your relationships with the people closest to you and your baby.

Unii offers a video course on nurturing your relationship with your co-parent, and involving them in the bonding process while you are pregnant is also very important. Similarly, if you want your baby to enjoy good relationships with family and friends, having them around you and keeping your interactions with them warm, peaceful, and respectful (especially from 20 weeks onwards) are important steps.

Manage anxiety

This will look different for every mum. Some women just need to chat with their partner or mum to calm down, while for others anxiety is a mental health condition that needs to be managed with medication. Antenatal anxiety can take hold of you even if you have no history of mental health problems, and it should never be ignored. Maternal stress and anxiety are proven to impact your baby, as well as the overall health of your pregnancy, so don’t dismiss these feelings or hope they’ll go away.

Rub your bump (and have your partner do it too!)

Babies are thought to be able to feel touch from about eight weeks old, even if they don’t respond to it until much later. Massage in pregnancy by accredited professionals is a safe therapy recommended by the NHS and other healthcare providers, though a therapist will typically avoid your bump and may not agree to work with you at all in the first twelve weeks, so you will usually be doing this sort of rubbing yourself. There is no link between pregnancy massage and miscarriage; you won’t harm your baby in any way through self-massage.

Make time for it.

Any mum can make focused time and intention to talk to their baby. You don’t need to be on a beautiful beach or even somewhere quiet—for fifteen minutes with your eyes closed, intentionally connecting with your baby and telling them you love them can happen on the train while you commute, at the supermarket, or before you get out of bed in the morning. Think of it the way you would do your pelvic floor exercises or hypnobirthing practice—nobody’s forcing you to do it, but you’re unlikely to regret something that can benefit you and your baby.

For more advice on taking care of yourself in pregnancy, labour, and birth, check out Unii’s Antenatal Course, with prenatal video episodes taught by senior NHS midwives, an award-winning obstetrician and gynaecologist, and six other leading healthcare experts. Coming soon to unii.com.

Antenatal Bonding: How can I connect with my baby prenatally?