As a parent of a preschooler, you’ll know that there’s no better feeling than seeing your child work towards a goal, achieve that goal, and beam with pride and happiness when they are rewarded for it. After all, we all want our little ones to learn the fundamental lessons of life as they grow, and it’s natural to want to reward them for being good. But how we go about teaching our kids these important life lessons is very debatable among parents, caregivers, and teachers alike.

If you take a moment to think about your childhood, how many times were you ‘given a sweetie for being good’? And now you’re a parent yourself, what do you think of this type of approach? What kind of message do you think it gives? Most importantly, would you use it with your own children?

As parents, we know you want to play your part in helping your children understand the value of working towards something and being motivated to achieve a goal. While giving children rewards and incentives can be an effective way to do this, the approach does come with some issues and setbacks. However, we’re here to help you learn the difference between using rewards and incentives in an unhealthy way to get children to behave, and helping children to be motivated by their own interests.

But first, let’s understand exactly what reward systems are, and how they are used by many parents.

What are reward systems?

Reward systems for children are built around the idea that if a child behaves in a certain manner or completes a certain task (i.e. being kind, using the toilet alone, helping to tidy up), they will be able to collect several small incentives to transfer into larger rewards. Many parents will use star charts, stickers, smiley faces and other incentives to encourage children to work towards a larger goal or reward after a longer period.

What is the difference between rewards, incentives, and intrinsic motivation?

Although there is definitely good intention behind using rewards and incentives, the issue with them when it comes to children, is that they infer that without the prize waiting for them at the end of the road they wouldn’t bother to behave nearly as well.

Let’s look at this idea through a practical example. Suppose you decide to offer your preschooler a chocolate muffin every time they complete their maths homework. Your child has been working hard and receiving their chocolate muffin as promised after every piece of maths homework is completed. But one day, you find yourself out of muffins. Your child refuses to finish their homework, as they have now developed the mindset that unless they are rewarded, what’s the point in bothering? They might also end up feeling that because they haven’t received the chocolate muffin, the task is suddenly too difficult and their efforts have been wasted, therefore leading to lower levels of not just self-motivation, but also self-esteem.

However, let's say you encourage your child to not just be excited about the possibility of achieving a chocolate muffin after their hard work, but to also be excited about involving themselves in the hard work itself. This way, you’re helping them to achieve what’s called intrinsic motivation. A much healthier way of helping kids become motivated through their own interest, instead of surface-level rewards. A technique that will work for the long-term, not just the short-term.

How can I help my child achieve intrinsic motivation?

We know that helping a child achieve intrinsic motivation is the right way to go, but how do we go about doing it?

Let’s use another example to explain. Suppose you want your children to finish reading the book that their teacher has set for the class to read that week. To help inbuilt motivation into your child’s actions, don’t focus on discussing a potential prize that they will achieve if they finish the book. Instead, help them become more interested in the book itself. Talk through the story with them, try to get them engaged in the characters, and what they can learn from the story itself. In this context, your child will become motivated in a natural, healthy way that will set them up for the next time they have a task to complete.

Are rewards and incentives good for my preschooler?

Judicious use of these can help your parenting.