Breast-versus-bottle, home-versus-daycare, fast-food-versus-organic. These are just a few hot-button issues when it comes to parenting. It can become even more of an issue if you also have close friends who have different parenting styles. But does that always have to become a wedge between friends? Can you get along with people who have other parenting styles?

Why is it hard to be friends with people who have different parenting styles?

The fact is, it’s very hard not to compare yourself to other parents. It’s even harder not to compare yourself to your friends. We can fall into a trap of thinking different parenting styles are either better or worse. Then it turns into thinking about whether we could trust our friends in the company of our little one. You might be tempted to give advice, or maybe even put your foot down and tell them how to do a certain thing. This will definitely lead to arguments and hurt feelings. No one wants to feel criticised and attacked over their parenting style.

So, what can we do to live alongside friends who have different parenting styles?

What can I do to value my friends despite our different outlooks on parenting?

In life, people follow many different philosophies. The same can and should be true when it comes to parenting. Instead of thinking about what the differences are, think about the end results. You and your friend might have different approaches to eating. That’s okay – both children are being fed. The same can be true of discipline, family, and wellbeing. As long as the child seems happy and developing well, it doesn’t matter if you both take different approaches to get there. What matters is the results. Be happy that your friend found an approach that works for them and their little one.

The only point of contention might be if your child is interacting with your friend. What this comes down to is a matter of respect. Your friend should acknowledge your parenting style, and respect how you raise your child. They might be a little looser with language around their child, but they should be cautious with yours if that’s something you’ve signalled to them. Of course, this works both ways. You need to acknowledge and respect their parenting style too.

We need to model to our little ones how to develop and keep deep relationships with others. Especially as they get older, you can show them how to be friends with people despite their differences. We need to embrace and be aware of the different paths people take, and that’s something we can pass on to our little ones.

Do my friends and I need to have the exact same parenting style?

Styles can vary widely based on cultural background, personal beliefs, and individual circumstances.