Advocating for yourself during antenatal (prenatal) visits to your doctor or midwife is an important part of your pregnancy journey and antenatal care generally. All parties—parents, midwives, obstetricians, and other “birthing folk,” as the amazing educator Dr. Sara Wickham calls them—can better understand one another while working towards the best possible experience for mum and baby in pregnancy, labour, and birth. Certain groups, particularly women of colour or from difficult socio-economic backgrounds, consistently experience maternity care inequalities, and self-advocacy is part (though far from the only means) of overcoming this. Speaking up for yourself, whether you are seeking information or making your preferences known, is a valuable tool in your parenting kit even before your baby arrives. For your partner, it’s important to remember that the mother’s health and wellbeing are your baby’s health and wellbeing, and her mental and emotional health can also impact the pregnancy. Supporting her self-advocacy and advocating for her where necessary will benefit your entire family. You may find the acronym ACTT (Ask, Claim, Trust, Tell) useful in your advocacy.

Ask questions until you understand and are satisfied with the answers you receive.

Claim your space, both physically and mentally. Get comfortable and express yourself.

Trust your body—your gut instinct is very important, as is anything you feel is physically right or wrong for you as a pregnant person.

Tell your story to help your health provider see your point of view, heal from past trauma, help others learn from what you’ve been through, and broker possible solutions.

Have someone with you when you self-advocate.

It’s important to have someone with you for support, even if it’s just your birth partner listening on speakerphone (though please remember that legally you will usually need to make the healthcare professional you are speaking with aware that someone who isn’t physically in the room can hear them speak).

Antenatal appointments can feel overwhelming for many reasons: you are in a physically dynamic state in pregnancy, clinical environments are unfamiliar and can be cold, and there’s a lot to understand within a limited time frame. Plus, some people are intimidated by medical professionals, especially if it is their first pregnancy, and they don’t feel confident about their antenatal understanding. Lots of us defer to professional people as though they are an authority figure, disregarding our personal experience in the face of their vast academic and clinical experience. This isn’t the professional’s fault unless you speak up and are dismissed or ignored by them. It is possible that you will advocate for yourself and still not feel heard in the moment. However, you can use that experience as leverage when you try to advocate again, either with another professional in a similar position or at the next appointment.

It’s important to give anyone you deal with respect and the benefit of the doubt, even if you’ve been treated poorly in the past. Most healthcare professionals will seek to empathise with and support you as best as the system they work in allows them to and will want to avoid a confrontational situation if possible.

Make a list of your questions and practice saying them in advance.

Are you the sort of person who forgets what they planned to say when confronted with lots of new information? Use prenatal appointments to your advantage by listing all your questions and practicing saying them aloud in advance. Knowing your rights (the Birthrights website is a good place to start in the UK), and getting an antenatal education from respected sources like unii.com’s experts can help you gain confidence and trust in your preparation.

Ask your doctor or midwife what they would do in your situation.

“Physician, how would you heal yourself?" This advice comes from the economist and author Nassim Taleb, who we can safely assume has never been pregnant and is not a medical expert, but he does advise readers to ask their physicians this personal question in his book Antifragile. From our self-advocacy perspective, it is useful in immediately forcing a professional to empathise with you if you don’t feel they’re doing so.

For more advice on looking after yourself or your partner in pregnancy and making informed decisions, check out Unii’s Antenatal Course of prenatal video classes, coming soon to unii.com.

How can I advocate for myself or my partner during antenatal (prenatal) appointments?