“Communication is the most important skill in life. You spend years learning how to read and write, and years learning how to speak. But what about listening?”

In the early stages of becoming parents, we can’t wait for the moment when our little one opens their mouth and utters their first, very high-pitched word. Even though it’s likely to be something along the lines of ‘mummy’, ‘daddy’ or ‘teddy’, It’s certainly a defining moment within parenthood. Some parents also believe that this is the beginning of real communication with their child. But even before children develop language, they are trying to communicate with us. All we have to do is listen.

What do we mean by listening?

Listening isn’t just about what we can do with our ears. There are many ways to listen, especially to our preschool children. It’s also about reading body language and other non-verbal clues. Even as adults, we read non-verbal signs to gauge what someone is really saying. These non-verbal signs help us read between the lines and sometimes decipher more meaning than from the words themselves.

To help you think about other ways of listening, consider remembering these four steps: receiving, hearing, observing, and tuning in.

Why is it important to practice different ways of listening to your preschooler?

We understand that listening to understand what’s going on with your little one isn’t always easy. In fact, it can take concentration in order to be able to accurately listen and read the messages they are presenting to us. As parents, we’ve all been through the nightmare of our youngsters screaming their heads off, and just not knowing what’s wrong, how to comfort them, or how to make them stop. Although we can guess that they may be hungry, tired, or irritable, the fact is that unless you have some knowledge of the child, knowledge of child development in general, and the context of the situation at hand, then it’s very difficult to know exactly what is going on with them.

However, as parents of preschoolers, we must learn to practice different ways of listening to our kids when interacting with them, and interpreting what the issue at hand is from their non-verbal signals. As this is the key to their world.

Put yourself in their tiny shoes, think what it must be like to feel unwell or upset, and as hard as you try, you cannot make your parents understand how to help you. So learning about ways to interpret their behaviour is an important step to take.

And here’s exactly how to do that!

How can I really listen to my preschooler?

Most parents, with previous experience or not, will develop some form of ‘method’ to look at, consider and plan how they should act in order to help and support their child. When it comes to listening to them, this is exactly what you should do, using a tactic called OAP. This is a tactic that many practitioners believe that parents cannot truly listen to children without.

OAP stands for observed, assessed, and planned.

Observed, meaning to observe a change in your child’s behaviour. For example, are they falling over regularly, touching things that are not normally touched like the TV, or laying down to play?

Assessed, meaning to assess what the situation entails. For example, is the child showing signs of distress around their normal bedtime, and has it been a very long, busy day?

Planned, meaning to plan the necessary action. For example, implementing an earlier bedtime for your child.

How can I better listen to my preschooler?