Emotions are ultimately what makes us human. A central element to our existence that can bring us both great joy and great difficulties. Ultimately, as we age, we must all learn to not only rejoice in and enjoy our emotions, but also to control them and use them to our advantage. Understanding our emotions is always going to be a journey, no matter how old we get, and we are all constantly learning. And when it comes to our kids, being able to help them with their own emotions and emotional development from an early age is another journey we must face!

But in order to do this, we must better understand our kids' feelings and emotions ourselves.

What are emotions, and how do children experience them?

First, let's define exactly what an emotion is. An emotion is a set of physical sensations we experience in response to environmental cues, usually when something changes. These changes are often a distinct event, like a stranger suddenly appearing; or a developing situation, such as expecting/needing something which doesn’t come into form. They are necessary for adaptation and survival, for motivation and for communication and relationships with others.

During babyhood, children can become very overwhelmed by emotions because they do not yet properly understand how to articulate them. They also have trouble understanding that it is possible to experience conflicting emotions at the same time, and may have trouble differentiating between them. For example, young children will regularly confuse sadness and anger, and will express them in varying ways. While some will burst into tears when their parent leaves the room, others will scream and shout!

Remember that although emotions are intense for anyone to experience, they can be particularly challenging for a little child since they don’t yet understand the feeling, or how to regulate it.

Why is understanding my child’s emotions important?

As parents, we know you want to do everything you can to ensure your little one feels at ease. As the rise and fall of emotions can sometimes make this a challenge, properly gauging what is going on in their little brains will help you to assist them in not only understanding their emotions, but also in learning how to properly regulate them.

Children will also look to their carers to see if they are expressing fear before responding to the sudden appearance of something they might consider scary; a large dog, let’s say. As an adult, and their primary carer, you have a significant role in modelling how to regulate emotions well, like keeping calm when seeing the appearance of this large dog. An adult being a model for emotional regulation is really valuable for helping children to reduce the level of agitation they may experience.

How can I better understand my child’s emotions?

There are so many strategies that you can use to help your child regulate their emotions. For instance:

Being available even at a distance. Simply showing your child that you are for them to bounce their emotions off can be helpful. Something as small as demonstrating to your child that you are available for them if they need you can go a long way.

Acknowledging the emotion being expressed. For a child, or anyone for that matter, there is nothing worse than feeling like your emotions haven’t been seen or heard. Acknowledging the emotion your child is expressing will ensure they develop the ability to be able to recognise and regulate these feelings for the future.

Modelling your own emotion regulation by staying calm. Children are excellent mimics, and they will feed off the emotion you are showing them. So if you show them that it’s not difficult for you to stay calm, even in tense situations, they will truly believe that this is possible — and put it into action!

Reassure your child they will be OK. Children also need a lot of reassurance, especially young children. A few words of comfort here and there can help your child feel that they are safe and that everything will be OK.

Helping your child to filter emotions through interpretations. When your child is faced with an emotion, and they don’t have much experience of interpreting them, it can be very overwhelming. Simply being there as a sounding board, so you can reflect back to them.

How can I better understand my child’s emotions?

Understanding your child emotionally can be a gift to you both. Unii explains.