Every relationship needs effective communication - from a work colleague or romantic partner to the man who serves you your morning coffee. And this applies to the relationship between parent and child perhaps more than most. You might imagine that you and your child are communicating effectively, but falling into a state of simply issuing orders and instructions is much easier than you think. There must be healthy two-way communication and a willingness to listen for a positive and trusting relationship to emerge.

Whether they’re crying for attention or giggling with enjoyment, babies communicate with us from the moment they’re born. But as children learn to speak and communicate, it can sometimes be difficult to understand what they are trying to express. Teaching children communication skills from an early age is absolutely essential, as they need to be able to express themselves clearly and verbalise their emotions and feelings. And by making a real effort to understand them, we boost their self-esteem because they feel their voice is important, too. After all, children learn to communicate first with their parents, mimicking their sounds and gestures. So, the more you communicate with your little one, the earlier their communication skills will develop. Reading to your children and discussing what you have read is the most effective way to improve their language and vocabulary.

But what else can be done to help your little one?

Why is listening so important?

Do you ever find yourself already deciding how you will respond midway through a conversation? You attempt to predict and judge what someone will say next, and all while they are still speaking! Active listening is listening to someone without judgement and giving one’s full attention to the speaker, listening with all the senses, and focusing on the feelings behind what they are saying. It’s very important that children feel that someone is actively listening to their feelings and responding without judgement. As you practise active listening, your child will begin to feel more comfortable approaching you with their problems and recognise that you respect and hear their voice.

What is the significance of repeating and rephrasing?

Active listening also involves delivering someone’s speech back to them so that they recognise your understanding and feel that you empathise. A conversation might go something like this:

Child: Sam said I couldn’t play with him and Jane today! He’s really mean!

Parent: You’re upset because you’re feeling left out.

Child: Yes, he said Jane is his best friend now.

Parent: You feel like you’re no longer Sam’s best friend.

Child: Yes, and he said he doesn’t want to play with me anymore because I’m not cool.

By repeating and rephrasing, you’ll get much more insight as to what’s really wrong and how your child is feeling than if you’d simply said, “maybe Sam just didn’t want to play with you today, but that doesn’t mean he’s mean.”

9 steps to follow when communicating with your child:

Don’t talk while they’re talking.

Open your ears.

Do not interrupt them or put words in their mouth.

Listen without judgement.

Study their body language, as it often reveals more than words.

Encourage them to keep talking with prompts like, “Really? Go on. Tell me more.”

Try to maintain eye contact with them.

Repeat and rephrase back to them, so they know you are listening.

Sometimes, children just want to talk, so don’t immediately try to problem-solve.

It’s also important that your child learns to listen to you, but this can be a challenge, especially for infants. Try to follow these five simple steps to encourage your children to listen:

Don’t start speaking to your child before you can see that you have their full attention.

Achieve this by ensuring they look at you when you speak.

Try to keep your words short, simple, and sweet.

If you have given them an instruction, ask them to repeat it back to you using their own words.

Read them as many stories as possible and make conversation.

It’s really important that you regularly set aside some time to listen and talk with your child. For them to trust you, they need to feel that you respect their feelings and ideas and that they can approach you with any problems they might have.

And remember, you are their greatest role model!

Finally, remember that there’s no greater role model for a child than their parent. They base their behaviour on your actions, learn their first words from hearing you speak, and learn to communicate and treat others by watching you. So, always try to talk to others and to your child with respect and empathy, and they will do the same.

Top Tip: Once in a while, your child might tell you something surprising or even shocking. Make sure to control your reaction, as a strong response might put them off discussing it further or from coming to talk to you at all.

How can I develop effective communication with my kids?

Develop great parent-child communication with Unii’s tips.