You and your little girl haven’t been getting along very well recently, and it’s starting to get you down. At first it started off with a few tantrums here and there. For example, she had started to launch into anger when you asked her to do simple, everyday things like brushing her teeth or eating her breakfast. But over the last few weeks these tantrums have turned into regular occurrences. In fact, they seem to be happening every day now. It’s even beginning to feel as though as soon as you open your mouth to speak, your daughter will erupt into an angry, very personal attack against you.

You know inside that you’re the adult in the situation. But this doesn’t take away the fact you’re hurt, frustrated, and upset. You can’t help but find yourself wanting to snap back, and then feeling guilty about it later when you do.

Parents, anger is a natural emotion that both children and adults will feel. In fact, it’s a healthy emotion, when exercised in the right way. However, we know it can be stressful when anger seems to be taking over your relationship with your child. So, we thought it would be helpful to outline some ways that you can make difficult emotions work for you.

So, what are some ways you can get a handle on anger and achieve inner peace?

Help your child have inner peace by feeling connected. As a parent, your goal should be to help your child grow up with a natural sense of well-being and inner security. Of course, they won’t have these feelings every day of their lives, but having inner peace is extremely important for a child, and will help them balance out any angry emotions they may experience. Research has shown that if you and your child feel connected to one another, then feelings of anger will naturally dissipate, and will be replaced by a sense of peace. It’s not that your child won’t get angry from time to time, but if they feel genuinely connected to you, they will be able to deal with these feelings in a healthy way. Equally, if you feel connected to your child, you will know them a lot better, and will therefore be much less likely to create a situation which provokes them negatively.

Don’t let your child suppress anger. Suppressing anger is extremely unhealthy for any person, but for a child it can be particularly damaging as they don’t yet understand these emotions. When you see that your child is becoming angry, always try to encourage them to recognise these feelings, as this will allow them to process what’s going on inside. Also, make an effort to listen to them attentively, and show empathy rather than judgement. This way, your child will become used to releasing their feelings, rather than keeping them pent up inside.

Help your child achieve inner peace. Many adults will find their search for inner peace a long and drawn-out one, and this is extremely common. While others will be able to find and live within this state much more easily. Much of the time the difference between the two is how they grew up. If a person grew up as an attachment-parented child, then even if they do come across emotional turmoil within their lives, they will more easily be able to get back on the right path as they understand what inner peace feels like to begin with. However, when a person grows up without this attachment style, they will find it a lot more difficult to achieve inner peace as they can’t as easily recognise it. It’s good to consider this when raising your child, as you want them to grow up well-accustomed to what inner peace looks like, even if they lose their way at some points.

Create peace for yourself as a parent. Helping your child have inner peace is quite difficult unless you have it yourself! Being in this state of peace also makes settling into the parental role a lot easier, and allows you to guide your child in the right ways. If you find that you’re not really at peace on the inside, it may be helpful to do some inner work to get there. You can do this by looking into your past, trying to understand what and where your problems are, and becoming motivated to work through them. Asking yourself questions like, “Was I abused or harshly punished as a child?”, or “Have I always had difficulty controlling my temper?” may be difficult, but they also may be the key to you and your child’s inner peace. Your child will mirror your emotions, so taking the time to work through them is the healthiest thing to do.

How can I get a handle on my child’s anger and help them achieve inner peace?

Unii explains how to keep the peace at home.