When your kids are driving you crazy and you’re desperate for some peace and quiet, we understand that it won’t always be possible to have that much-needed moment of alone time. Maybe no one can look after the kids, your partner’s working or away, or maybe you’re just not ready to leave the kids with someone else. Whatever the case, the fact is, you know you need some headspace, but you’re also aware that you have to stay with the kids. What do you do?

Don’t worry! We’re happy to share that there are plenty of ways you can get some respite while the kids are around.

Here are a few strategies to help you get some headspace amidst the chaos.

Ways to get space while you’re with your kids

Pay attention to your kids, or ignore them. Multitasking while you’re with your kids can be hard. And it’s not only stressful for you, but it can be annoying for them. Plus, you’re more likely to get triggered. If you would like to do something without the kids, then preoccupy them with a toy or a game and leave them alone. We understand that the house needs cleaning and kids-related stuff needs doing, but try and balance your time between your “to do” list and the things that nurture and nourish you, such as reading, writing, walking, dancing, and so on. It’s also a good idea during this time to turn off all technology so you can mentally switch off.

Let your kids wait. We know this sounds obvious, but this is something that a lot of parents tend to struggle with. If you’re in the middle of something and your child asks you a question, don’t do two things at the same time. Instead, say something like, “Please wait, sweetie; I’ll be with you in a second.” As you’ll know from experience, they probably won’t listen the first time, so feel free to repeat yourself twenty more times. Yes, they’ll be annoyed, but they will adapt, and it won’t hurt them. Patience is a life skill that will benefit them in many ways, so let them wait for you to finish what you’re doing before responding to them.

When your child is happy, leave them alone. If your child is happy, let them enjoy whatever they’re doing on their own. Resist the urge to ask questions, praise them, or offer them help, and use this as an opportunity for some ‘you’ time.

Be OK with their boredom so they can do the same. Your kids will get bored. That’s a fact. But their boredom is not your problem to deal with. The more energy you spend trying to solve their boredom, the more exhausted and agitated you’ll be. So when your child tells you they’re bored, consider saying any of these phrases:

“Thanks for letting me know!”

“Great! You can do your maths homework, clean your room, or feed the cat.”

“Hi, I’m mummy/daddy. Nice to meet you.”

Let your kids figure things out on their own. If you tend to every little request that your child has, you will feel drained. Especially if your child asks for your help when things get even a little bit challenging. We know it can be hard, but resist the urge to answer them right away and give them a few minutes to figure it out themselves.

Try not to take your kids’ emotions personally. We know this isn’t always easy to do as a parent, but try to remember it’s not about you. If your toddler is screaming because they broke their favourite toy or your oldest child is shouting that they hate you, while it can be hard to see them in pain, try not to take it personally and realise that it’s about what’s going on for them and their brains (which are still developing.) Keeping a little perspective will really help you. Remember to keep breathing and not get sucked into their drama.

Don’t take too much responsibility for their happiness. As much as it may not always feel like it, it’s not your job to make your kids happy. It’s your job to keep them safe and help them as best you can to grow into healthy, mature, and functional adults. And a huge part of this growth is down to them experiencing a whole variety of emotions, including the uncomfortable ones. Allowing your kids to feel a whole spectrum of emotions without trying to ‘fix’ them will not only help them become more resilient and well-balanced individuals but also serve to give you a little headspace amidst the chaos.

How can I get headspace when I'm with my kids?

Unii looks at taking time for yourself amid the chaos of parenting.