How can I help build my child's self-esteem?

Your little one recently began learning to play the trumpet, and while all the noise they make is a little grating at times, you love that they’re enjoying themselves. But recently, your child comes home from their trumpet lessons in tears, saying over and over that they just aren’t good enough!

“I’ll never be a good trumpeter,” they shout.

It hurts you to see them lose confidence in themselves, so you begin to wonder - What can I do to build and boost my child’s self-esteem?

Let’s begin by exploring what self-esteem is.

What is healthy self-esteem?

When we talk about building healthy self-esteem, we talk about a child’s image of themselves and their ability to do things. We want our children to grow up feeling confident in themselves, and that they can achieve anything they set their minds to. Given that self-esteem is shaped by the love, encouragement, and support a child feels from the people in their lives, it’s really important for parents to actively build their child’s self-esteem.

So, how does one go about it?

How can I build my child’s self-esteem in 8 steps?

Give your little one responsibilities and chores. There are several benefits to giving your child age-appropriate chores, no matter their age. Not only do the responsibilities give your child a sense of both purpose and accomplishment, even if the job hasn’t been done all that well, but they also offer them a degree of control over their lives. When things are a little unpredictable, having to complete one or two tasks around the home can help to build confidence and resilience. Just be sure to praise them for their efforts, whether they do well or still need a little practice.

Allow them to create and show off their work. Children should be encouraged to create, whether that’s a painting, a story, or a school project. And once they’re done, ask them questions about their work and have them display it around the home. This teaches your little one that their work and their thoughts and opinions are worthy of attention, helping to build confidence in their abilities.

Always turn setbacks into learning experiences. Try to remember that mistakes are not a bad thing; they offer up the opportunity to learn, improve, and grow. When your child makes a mistake, be patient with them, and think about turning it into a teachable moment. We want them to learn that failure isn’t the end of the world, so long as we address it in a healthy way and learn something from it.

Encourage independence as much as you can. Whether they’re packing their own school bag, speaking to their teachers when they have a problem, or even making their own breakfast, give your child opportunities to learn independence. If we don’t let our kids learn to do things on their own, we teach them that we don’t believe in their abilities, which can seriously harm their self-esteem.

Be careful not to insult your child. There’s no denying it, kids will sometimes behave in ways that can only be described as annoying, or even rude. But while it’s difficult not to get irritated, you mustn’t resort to name-calling or yelling. Remember that it’s the behaviour and not the child that frustrates you, so focus on the behaviours you want to see. Reacting respectfully and speaking to your child in as pleasant a tone as possible builds up their esteem and confidence.

Make sure to demonstrate your unconditional love each and every day. It’s of the utmost importance that your little one feels your love each day. You can demonstrate this with hugs, kisses, snuggles, and by saying “I love you and I’m proud of you.” This unconditional love will set them up to build secure and strong relationships later in life and lets them know that it’s safe to take risks and make mistakes, all contributing to the production of a healthy self-esteem.

Monitor their screen use. Screens can, of course, be a useful and wonderful thing. However, too much screen time can get in the way of physical activity and potentially expose children to images and content that may harm their image of themselves. Monitor the content your child engages with and try not to let screen time take up too much of their day.

Play with your little one as much as possible. When we play with our kids, we teach them that we value and enjoy spending time with them and that we really value their company. Whether you play video games together, enjoy a board game, or love playing outside, their confidence and ability to be both entertaining and interesting help them to make friends and build lasting bonds. Playing with your child, especially physical play, will also decrease the chances of anxiety and depression.