“Children are active participants in their own development. Reflecting the intrinsic human drive to explore and master one’s environment.” — Shonkoff and Phillips, 2000

Bringing your newborn baby home for the first time really is the most amazing feeling in the world. The start of a brand-new adventure for you and your whole family. But we won’t judge you for admitting that even if you’re more experienced in looking after children, you will have moments of looking down at your baby and wondering how you are going to shield them from the big bad world out there! Ultimately, there are many lessons to learn along the sometimes bumpy journey of parenthood, and that’s completely normal!

And as your child grows into a little preschooler, we know that you will very much still be learning these lessons as you go along. Lessons such as, how to keep your child safe while encouraging them to learn how to manage risks, challenges and their own vulnerability.

While it’s a natural instinct to want to protect your child from even the smallest scrapes and bruises, the truth is we cannot, and it wouldn’t be right to either. The truth is, we can’t completely wrap them in cotton wool throughout their early years. All children, even very young children, need to learn how to manage the risks they will inevitably face as they grow.

So before we delve into what you can do as a parent to help your child find their own feet, let’s first understand more about why this subject is so important.

Why is it important to advocate risks and challenges for my child?

As mentioned, it’s natural for parents and caregivers of young children to want to protect them from harm. After all, every environment that a young child finds themselves in does pose some risk, whether that risk be small or large. However, as parents, it’s part of our job not just to protect them against what we deem to be the risks of life, but to also help them understand and negotiate the world around them for their own personal, social and emotional wellbeing.

For example, let’s say that your preschooler wants to try out a little creativity by making their own Christmas cards for the friends they have made in class. To do this, they will need colouring pens, paper, and a pair of scissors. Your immediate reaction may be that letting them handle the scissors is just too risky, and you may want to step in and do it for them.

Although this will feel like a quicker, easier, and less risky option, it’s just not helpful for their development. First, what kind of message do you think this will send to your child? Not only will they become frustrated, but they will also start to believe that they themselves might not be capable of completing this task, and it may hinder their progress the next time they attempt to handle a similar situation in the future. Your child needs to understand how to handle the scissors themselves, and the potential risk these types of instruments can pose. Children learn through making mistakes, so even if they do have a little accident, you’ll be on hand not only to help them, but to show them how to handle the situation better and more safely next time. This way, your child will be building their knowledge of the real world little by little, and will have the knowledge to apply to the next risk-posing situation they find themselves in.

How can I help my child find their own feet amongst risks and challenges?

Now that we have understood why helping your child to manage risk is so vital, let’s look at some everyday occurrences where you yourself can put this knowledge into practice:

While experimenting with arts and crafts, your child picks up an object that you might consider to be risky, (like scissors). In this situation, don’t immediately fly into fear and snatch it away from them. Instead, assess the potential risk calmly. Obviously, if you feel your child is in immediate, serious danger of hurting themselves, take the object off them. However, you should communicate with your child while you are doing this, and when you feel they have a better understanding, give it back to them and talk them through how to use the object safely. Observe the situation from the sidelines and help them learn as they go.

Your child is running around on a wet, windy day. Suddenly, you see them trip over a branch, fall over, and cry out for you. Instead of running over frantically and calling their name, walk over to them calmly. Give them a moment to process the pain and the shock on their own. This way, they will learn the importance of picking themselves up and brushing themselves off, instead of having immediate comfort every time they have a minor tumble!

When playing with their friends in the house, your child excitedly runs up the stairs. As they are in such a hurry, they trip over a toy. They bump their knee and burst into tears. Again, even though it might feel tempting to run over, hug them and let them cry in your arms for the next half an hour, try not to overreact. Comfort them briefly, pat them on the head, and help them move past the situation without any unnecessary drama.

How can I help my child balance risk, challenge and vulnerability and find independence?

Help your child find balance with Unii’s tips.