Your little one can be funny. Sometimes, it’s hard not to laugh! But sometimes, they can go a bit too far. They've made their friend cry with a really harsh remark! When you tell them they’ve gone too far, they retort with “It’s just a joke!” You start to wonder - How can I teach my child about joking? How can I teach them when a joke’s gone too far?

Believe it or not, humour is an advanced skill for young children to learn. They must navigate the things we find funny, as well as the things we do not. So it’s perfectly normal for children to need a bit of guidance in this area.

Let’s have a look at what happens when children find it hard to make or take a joke, why it happens, and how we can help them.

How can I tell if my child is struggling with jokes?

Here are the top 3 signs your child might need a little help to grow their funny bone:

The child gets confused when you interpret something they’ve said as a joke.

The child regularly teases others past the point of what is acceptable.

The child claims they’re ‘just joking’ after saying unkind things.

Now that we know what we’re looking for, let’s explain the reasoning for such behaviour.

Why doesn’t my child understand jokes?

These are the 5 key reasons why a child might be struggling with jokes:

A child might need to feel in control of their environment. By teasing and jeering at others, they are asserting control over them.

They might be trying to attract attention to themselves. This could stem from a fear of being ignored.

Inversely, they could be trying to take attention away from themselves, putting the focus on others in an unhealthy way.

A child might simply not understand the way their actions and words affect others and their feelings.

A fear of change and transitions. See if you notice this behaviour at the beginning or end of play, or perhaps when moving location.

So, let’s take a look at what we can do to help our children with this behaviour.

How can I help my child understand jokes?

Here are some useful strategies about how to develop your child’s sense of humour:

Be mindful of your child’s literal thinking. What seems like a joke can be genuinely serious, and feels like that in the mind of a child. If you posed a serious question and were met with laughter, you might feel a bit confused too! Teach them to look at it from a different perspective. Instead of associating laughter with ridicule, tell them that they are clever, that making people laugh is a positive thing, and encourage them to smile!

If your child seems to be deliberately telling jokes that go too far, it is important not to respond with a big reaction. Take a few breaths, and calmly tell them that actually you don’t find their joke that funny. Then, elaborate on why their particular comments hurt your feelings. The aim is not to shame your child but to explain and educate them.

If your child is teasing other children, it helps to get everyone on the same side. Make it a game, explaining that the child who teases the least may get a small prize! This can be a snack or 5 extra minutes of TV time. This technique can work wonders for siblings and close friends!

If your child is claiming to be ‘just joking’ after saying unkind things, you should talk to them and explore their feelings. Wonder aloud why they might be saying unkind things by referring to the reasons in the previous section. This can open up a dialogue with the child for them to explore their feelings and reasoning.

We all like a bit of humour, but sometimes our children need a little help to wrap their heads around jokes. With our tips and techniques, they’ll be cracking funny jokes in no time at all!

How can I help my child to ‘get’ jokes?

Unii helps you nurture your child’s understanding of humour.