Being a parent can be characterised by many, many different emotions. Simply put, it’s a role that’s filled with a whirlwind of feelings. Love, excitement, happiness, as well as frustration, confusion, and some moments of sadness too. But within this myriad of different emotions, as you begin to discover more about the personality of this little person you have created, one of the most prominent feelings will be fascination.

The moment after bringing your little girl or boy into this world, we know that you’ll have been absolutely fascinated with everything they do. And as they grow into the toddler age, we’re sure that you’re watching intently to discover what kind of person your little one is becoming. You may find yourself constantly wanting to know - Are they shy or outgoing? What thoughts are they having? And what makes them tick?

And through your journey in discovering who your toddler is as a person, you may find that they have a temperamental trait, that some people like to call ‘slowness-to-warm-up’.

But what does it mean for my toddler to be slow to warm up?

What is slowness-to-warm-up?

If your child is slow to warm up, they may have the following characteristics:

They adapt gradually to change.

They are highly sensitive to stimulation.

They have a tendency to withdraw or become very shy under stress.

Note that when it comes to the framework of this type of temperamental trait, there are a wide variety of individual differences. Depending on their personal vulnerabilities and talents, and what they may or may not experience in their lives, slowness-to-warm-up can manifest in different ways.

So, now we know what it means for your child to be slow to warm up, let’s find out what you might need to know if you believe your child shows this characteristic.

What do I need to learn if my child has a slow-to-warm-up temperament?

Cultural influences play an important role. Taking into account that the cultural influences you have in your household could be having an effect on your child and their temperament is important. For example, it’s been well-documented that traditional Chinese mothers show warm and accepting attitudes, and that shy Chinese children do better academically and are rated more positively by teachers than outgoing children.

Understanding the nature of shy behaviour can be helpful. If you find your child to have a shy temperament, learning more about what’s behind this can help you help them. For example, it may be constructive to know that even if your child displays shyness, this doesn’t entertain emotional distance from others. Although shy children may be more selective, this doesn’t mean that they are any less loving than their outgoing friends.

With these points in mind, what else can you do to help your slow-to-warm toddler?

How can I help my slow-to-warm-up-toddler thrive?

Let your child use you as a secure base from which to explore. If your child is displaying traits such as shyness, this doesn’t mean that they don’t have the ability to be bold, step out into the world, and become resilient. Sometimes, they just need someone to lean on to get there! Therefore, it’s good to be aware that something as simple as your presence can encourage your child to explore, by making them feel safe enough to do so.

Remember to strike a balance between protecting and being over-protective. If your child is a slow-to-warm-up toddler, then it’s crucial that you strike a careful balance between being their ‘secure base’ that protects them from overwhelming stimulation, and being too overprotective. Remember that even if they have this temperament, all children need to venture out on their own at some point, and it is important for them to gain their own confidence and autonomy without their parents constantly comforting and cushioning them.

Take note if your child is showing signs of excessive withdrawal. In many cases, children will suffer quietly and will significantly withdraw in the effort to put up with a scenario which they cannot cope with. In cases like this, it’s vital that you look out for specific sources of stress in the child’s life which may be contributing to this.

Find ways to instil a sense of confidence in your child by reminding them of the fun there is to be had. Although it can feel challenging to get your child to step into and independently tackle new situations, there are tactics you can use to ease this process. For example, you could use a gradual, steady encouragement tactic by which you can follow a sequence of steps which allows the child to step into a novel situation without overwhelming fear. Let’s take a look at that now!

How can I gradually instil confidence in my toddler?

Here is our step-by-step guide for cultivating confidence in your slow-to-warm-up child:

Don’t send your child over to the new situation alone. Instead, go with them.

Once in the situation with your child, take time to let them observe what is going on around them.

During this time, try to make little, helpful comments about what is happening. For example, you could focus on details which will help them feel familiar and safe.

Stay near your child until their mood has clearly changed from fear into enjoyment.

Once you are confident this shift has happened, take a small step back.

Observe the situation from a distance.

If you see your child calling over to you, don’t over-panic or react that they might need you if the situation does not seem overly taxing.

Instead, try to match the intensity of their need to your response.

If the situation doesn’t seem too serious, try to wave at them from a short distance to let them know you are there.

Keep practising this type of scenario until your child is clearly more confident. It’s likely that you will slowly begin to see improvement and results.

How can I help my slow-to-warm-up toddler enjoy who they are?

Make your toddler more socially comfortable with Unii’s tips.