Your eldest child runs into your bedroom complaining that their younger sister has stolen their favourite Barbie doll – again. And you know that she’s doing it just to be antagonistic. Why? Because she’s a toddler!

Remember, toddlers are self-centred! So it’s only natural that their older brothers and sisters may find them challenging from time to time. Even the most affectionate of children can occasionally display strong feelings of dislike towards their younger sibling.

Ever heard of the expression “terrible twos”? Well, the reason why the twos are so “terrible” is that as these little ones’ minds are developing, they are prone to huge emotional and physical outbursts when they don’t get what they want. One minute they love you, one minute they hate you. We understand how these temper tantrums and extreme mood changes can be disruptive for you and your other children so let’s take a look at some more reasons why your little one is so hard to get along with at this age.

Why are toddlers so hard for other siblings to get along with?

Between 1 – 2, a child is struggling between relying on their parents and fighting for independence. Their instinct is to do things their own way, but they also have to follow certain rules imposed by their parents. So they are continuously pushing boundaries – For example, going into your eldest’s room and stealing their favourite Barbie! It’s as if they are looking for a reaction.

As toddlers are learning to follow certain rules, so comes their natural resistance to conform. They simply do not want to follow rules, which results in out-of-control behaviour, such as a temper tantrum. This is a very normal part of their development.
Between 1 -2, a child’s lack of reasoning abilities means they can get very frustrated if you can’t read their minds and will associate your lack of mind-reading skills with you not caring. This is why when you pass your child the blue cup instead of the red one, they can break down in tears.

To a toddler, all attention is good attention. If your toddler doesn’t feel like they are getting enough attention, they will push your buttons to make sure they get it. For your toddler, there is no such thing as negative attention. All attention is good! They’d rather you be angry with them than feel ignored.

Sibling rivalry is at its most troublesome when there is an age difference of about 1 and a half to 3 years. This is because your toddler is still very dependent on you and associates your love and attention with their survival. Any love and attention you show your other children can pose a huge threat and leave them feeling rejected and alone.
If the toddler is the older one, then the feelings of jealousy and self-centredness may be amplified – at this stage, they do not have the reasoning abilities to cope. Most of the time the anger your toddler will feel will be aimed at you for not giving them the attention they feel they deserve.

Now let’s take a look at ways you can keep the peace between your little ones.

How to keep the peace between siblings of toddlers?

Try not to overreact. It’s only natural that your children resent each other when one is getting more love and attention from you than the other. No child wants to give up the spotlight of your affection.
Enforce boundaries that guard older siblings’ privacy. Make it clear to your toddler that they are not allowed into their brother or sister’s room without asking.

If your toddler is antagonising your other children, you can evoke empathy by asking them how they would feel the other way round. For example - “How would you feel if your sister came into your room and stole your favourite toy?”
Reinforce good behaviour by praising your children when they are doing something kind for each other. If your toddler is the eldest, praise them when they act “grown-up” and give them plenty of opportunities to be a “big brother” or “big sister”.

Spend time separately with each of your children doing whatever activity they choose. Finding the right balance of attention can be a challenge but if your eldest is becoming overly aggressive, it could mean they need more love and attention from you.

Use “time-outs” when your children are being particularly antagonistic. This is an effective method when your toddler is trying to get any kind of attention from you, even if it’s negative. When they know that acting in certain ways means less attention, it will help them realise that when they act in aggressive or immature ways they will not get the attention they desire.

How can I help my toddler get along with their siblings?

You're never to young to promote family harmony. Unii explains how.