How can I involve my toddler in everyday decisions?

It’s a lovely day outside, so you and the kids are getting ready to head out to the park to enjoy a delicious picnic. But getting your toddler ready and out of the house is proving pretty difficult.

“We’re going now! Quick, put your shoes on! No, stop playing with the toy truck. Where’s your coat? Now stop messing around!”

It takes a good 30 minutes, lots of directions and lecturing from you, and a tantrum from your toddler to finally get everyone out of the house. By the time you arrive at the park, the sun’s already gone behind a big cloud, and it ends up being a rather miserable picnic. So, how do I get my toddler to cooperate so that things go smoothly, with less arguing and defiance?

That’s where involving your child in decisions comes in handy.

How will involving my toddler in everyday decisions help?

You’ll quickly find that once you involve your toddler in different decisions, their behaviour greatly improves, with far fewer tantrums and arguments.

Involving your kids in decisions not only encourages their general cooperation but will also greatly improve their confidence and independence. And as toddlers love to feel involved and feel they have a little control, you’ll see a lot less arguing and far fewer tantrums.

And so, with these many benefits in mind, let’s find out how we can involve our kids in daily decisions and tasks.

How can I involve my child in everyday decisions?

Offer age-appropriate choices. Offering your toddler a few choices really encourages their cooperation and helps to speed up what might otherwise be a slow process. For example, when they’re getting dressed in the morning, offer up two different t-shirts and let them choose which to wear or two different pairs of trousers. If they’re reluctant to have a bath, ask them whether they’d rather jump all the way to the bathroom like a bunny or crawl along the floor like a crab. This way, we give them a little more power, which they’ll enjoy, whilst making a potentially dull task fun!

It helps to only offer two or three options, so they won’t become overwhelmed or spend an age coming up with an answer. And, of course, don’t involve them in choices that are beyond their grasp of understanding.

Give them information. Instead of issuing commands – “Put the toys away in their basket!” – we can offer our kids helpful information: “The toys go in the basket once you’ve finished with them.” Very few people like being told what to do, but when we deliver information in this calm and respectful manner, it becomes something your toddler decides to do and not something they must do because an adult has ordered them to.

Just use one word. Often when giving instructions, we deliver a whole speech of this, that, and the other.

“We’re going out now, so put your coat on. Don’t forget to put your shoes on too. Oh, and where’s your hat? Are your shoes on yet? Where are your shoes?”

For a little toddler who’s already distracted by the many things around them, this will prove very confusing, and the process will inevitably take even longer!

Sometimes, a single word delivered clearly and calmly is all they need. A concise “shoes” not only gets the message across but also lets your child feel a sense of accomplishment and control, knowing it’s up to them to figure out what you are telling them.

Plan with your toddler. If we involve our kids in a plan, making sure they’re on board and part of the process, they’re much more likely to cooperate. So next time you want to head off to the park, let them know with plenty of time what the plan is and then provide a few reminders.

“We’re leaving for the park in 10 minutes, but I can see you’re enjoying working with your crayons. I’m a bit worried you won’t have time to finish colouring before we have to leave. So we could put the crayons in a safe place now so that you can come back to them later, or would you like to work for another five minutes and then get ready to head to the park?”

Similarly, if the tantrums often begin when it’s time to leave the park, you could say, “So we have five more minutes before we have to head home. What would you like to have one last go on?”