On the way home from a trip to the local supermarket, your little one suddenly asks, “Why did you lie to that man? I thought lying was bad.” A little confused, you ask them what they’re talking about. “The man outside the shop who asked you for money. You said you didn’t have any.” Flustered, you come up with a vague response about being in a rush and then try to distract them with a game, but it does serve as a reminder that kids are always watching and listening.

But why is this so important to remember?

Why is it so important to model the behaviours I want to see in my child?

Our children learn a great deal more from watching us than from us telling them what to do and how to behave. So if we want and expect them to be honest and take responsibility for their actions, we have to model these behaviours as best we can.

So now that we’ve established why it’s important to model honesty and take responsibility, let’s find out how we can put these ideas into practice.

How can I model honesty, taking responsibility, and other healthy qualities?

Model honesty. We teach our kids that being truthful is greatly valued in the home, so we must follow the same rules. Therefore, you should always try to avoid lying to and around your kids. This even includes white lies.

So later today, when your child asks you to play with them, and you’re too tired, instead of making up an excuse, say, “I’m tired right now. Can I play with you in half an hour?”

When a neighbour knocks on the door asking to see you, don’t have your child or partner pretend you’re on the phone; simply admit that “Tomorrow would be better for me.”

When you’re walking down the street with your little one, and someone asks you for some change, don’t tell them you don’t have any on you. Instead, you could say, “Can I buy you a sandwich?” or smile and tell them, “Not today.”

Though many of us believe ourselves to be honest, if we’re not making a conscious effort, it’s easy for these white lies to slip out.

Model taking responsibility for your actions and choices. Life can be more than challenging at times and sometimes, there’s very little we can do to change that. But it’s also healthy to acknowledge that some of life’s difficulties result from choices we have made. When we take responsibility, we actually give ourselves more power to take charge and make changes where necessary. We can model this for our kids by commenting out loud when we run into frustrating problems. “I should have woken up earlier. That way, we’d have made it on time.” Not only does this encourage them to acknowledge their actions and choice, but it also teaches them to problem-solve.

Model learning from your mistakes. It’s very easy to blame others when we make mistakes. But as we take responsibility and own our actions and choices, so should we own up to our mistakes. When you apologise to your toddler for losing your temper and acknowledge that next time you will take a few deep breaths to help calm down, they learn that no one is perfect, but everyone can learn from their mistakes.

Practice saying, “I’m so sorry . . . I should have done this . . . I should not have said that . . . next time I will . . .”

Practice self-awareness. We all have our limits and triggers, and though it’s generally unintentional, kids will often test them. Becoming aware of your limits and triggers and setting clear boundaries can help you to stay calm when the going gets a little tough. If you’re getting angry or overwhelmed, try to take a step back and acknowledge what might be causing the problem or write it down and try your best to tackle it later. And kindly and clearly set boundaries that cater to your needs. Maybe you need at least 30 minutes to yourself each day; perhaps you need a hug from your partner when you’ve spent the whole day with the kids. Be compassionate with yourself regarding your needs and brainstorm how they can be met.

Celebrate where you are and all you have achieved. Family life can typically get a little chaotic, so much so that we often forget to reflect on the present. So regularly tell yourself, “I am enough. I am doing my best.” This also goes for your toddler. They, too, are doing their very best.

A few helpful questions to ask yourself once in a while:

Can I be more present?

Am I going too fast?

Can I shift from being my child’s servant/boss to their guide?

Am I taking responsibility for my actions and choices? Or can I change them?

Have I celebrated where I am today?

How can I model honesty and take responsibility?

Give your little one good guidance with Unii's tips.