Nowadays, when you hear the word pout, you probably think of social media posts with people posing and pursing their lips, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But you may be thinking - What does pouting have to do with my preschooler?

Traditionally, pouting is pushing one’s bottom lip forward to express annoyance, and with this in mind, you ask yourself whether your child ever pouts. The answer is probably yes, sometimes they do. Thinking back, can you remember an instance where your little one decided that they did not want to brush their teeth or eat the last piece of broccoli? They probably crossed their arms over their chest, looked up at you with fierce little eyes and said a resounding ‘No!’. Sound familiar?

It’s very common for preschool children who are quickly gaining new-found independence, yet still learning to communicate and socialise, to practise different ways of saying no, as they should. The fact is, compliance isn’t necessarily a good quality and children do need to learn to say no. But sometimes, we simply know better, so how do we go about teaching our kids not to pout when it proves inappropriate?

Before we delve into a few helpful strategies, let’s first understand why preschoolers exhibit this behaviour.

Why does my preschooler pout?

Although pouting is a specific behaviour, we are here talking about similar behaviours that come with stubbornness, such as arm-crossing. When a preschooler pouts, it’s likely because they have been told to do something they do not want to do.

At some point, your child will have learnt that pouting and standing firm against an adult’s wishes gets them exactly what they want. But later in life, stubbornness and pouting can be seen as somewhat negative behaviours, so it’s likely most parents will want to put a stop to them. The trouble is, lecturing and scolding will not get you very far. Instead, when we give attention to the behaviour, even if it is negative, we reinforce it.

So, how do we go about preventing pouting without giving it attention?

How do we prevent pouting and stubbornness?

Pouting can often lead to a child having negative feelings about themself. If your child gets their way after pouting, they will still be aware of your displeasure, and if they don't, you both feel dissatisfied. So, it is important that the preventative measures we take do not harm their sense of self-worth.

Avoid situations that allow for stubbornness

Try not to give direct orders and instead, phrase requests in a positive manner or as questions. For example, ‘I would really appreciate it if you put your toys away.’ Children need to be treated with as much consideration and courtesy as adults. On top of this, when we give our children choices, they feel as though they have some control and say over a situation, leading to far less of a clash of wills. If a child doesn’t want to do something that they don’t need to do, let them say ‘no’ without any negative reactions from you. Children’s lives are so often controlled by their elders, and if we don’t allow them to make choices, they will struggle to learn independence or may feel a strong need to rebel.

On the other hand, if there is something your child must do, like getting dressed for preschool, think about the words you chose and if possible, make a game of the task. For instance:

‘I bet you can’t get dressed in less than sixty seconds!’

Finally, if there is something your child would like to do that you feel they cannot, try to explain in an understanding way why exactly that is and do your best to come up with an alternative.

Reinforce compliant behaviours

It’s hugely important that when you have asked your child to do something and they do it, you offer them plenty of sincere praise. You might say, ‘Thank you! I really appreciate it when you come to the dinner table when lunch is ready’ or ‘you’re doing such a great job cleaning your room. Thank you sweetheart!’

After a time, they will learn that there is very little to be gained from pouting and stubbornness and a great deal to enjoy from a positive reaction.

Ignore

In the meantime, if pouting does occur, let your child know that you cannot talk to them when they are pouting and if they don't stop after a few moments, let them know you will speak with them again once they have stopped. If the pouting does stop after you have asked them, give them a great big hug and let them know how pleased you are that you can talk to them properly now! And if the pouting continues, do your best to ignore it.

Similarly, if you have asked your little one to do something and they refuse and begin to pout, walk away for the time being and avoid the inevitable clash of wills. They need to learn that pouting is not an effective way to get a reaction or attention from you.

How can I prevent pouting and stubbornness?

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