It’s Saturday afternoon, and you’re heading down the aisles at your local supermarket with your two-year-old, hurriedly trying to get the weekly shop done. On the way to pick up some bathroom supplies, you realise you’re going to have to pass the aisle full of mouth-watering sweet treats. And if there’s one thing your little one loves more than anything, it’s sweets and chocolate!

You grab your toddler’s hand and hurry past the aisle, trying to distract them with something else. But like all little children, they are quick-witted, and before you know it you hear the words:

“Mummy, can I have some fizzy sweets?”

You sigh and pick up a pack off the shelf, loading it into the trolley. But then, as you’re about to check out, your toddler asks:

“Can I have some chocolate biscuits?”

Just like that, you have a dilemma. You begin to ask yourself - Should I say yes? Should I say no? Will they have a tantrum if I say no? Will this greedy behaviour continue if I say yes?

Setting limits and boundaries is one of the most important parts of life, and not just for children! It’s something that has to be practised again and again, and it’s not an easy skill to maintain. However, when you’re a parent to a little toddler, it’s important you understand the ways in which you can teach your child this skill, and the specific reasons why it’s so important both for them.

First of all, let’s look at why helping your child set limits is so important:

Why is it important to set limits on my toddler?

One of the most important lessons we will ever learn in life is this - things don’t always work out the way we want them to, and we can’t always have what we want. As wonderful as life is, we would be lying to ourselves by saying that it’s all rainbows and smiles! It’s full of challenges, disappointment, and grief too.

If children don’t learn how to set limits for themselves, they may find it difficult to exhibit positive, respectful, or healthy behaviours later on in life. They will go through life expecting that they will always get what they want, and not understanding the reasons why this is not always the case.

The bottom line is, the earlier you help your child understand the importance of limits, the better equipped they will be to grow into grounded, happy, healthy little individuals!

Now that we’ve looked at the why, let’s tackle the how.

How can I set limits on my toddler?

First of all, when setting limits, remember that it will take some practice, and your child will probably not cooperate at first. However, it’s important you remain calm and focused. Remember that the goal is to raise your little one to be someone that takes responsibility, keeps themselves safe, respects others, and establishes their own boundaries.

Here are some other points that will help you achieve this goal:

Be clear on the limits.

When setting limits, remember that above all, you need to be very clear! Children won’t learn what they need to learn if you dance around the subject, or try to soften it for them. Try to be extremely clear about what behaviour is expected, and exactly why it is important. One of the ways you can do this is by setting a few rules that are important to your family unit as a whole. Once you’ve written them out, put them up somewhere that your child can clearly see. Some examples of rules are - we sit at the (dining) table to eat; we all contribute to the household; we engage in rough play by mutual consent.

Follow through with kind and clear action.

Your child will learn what they can and can’t get away with through your actions. So even if they are protesting the limit, always choose to take kind and clear action. For example, if your child is refusing to leave the playground, acknowledge their feelings, but proceed with the plan – to leave the playground at the decided time. If they are still not cooperating, you can pick them up if needed.

Express the limit clearly with language and delivery.

To make it as clear as possible what a limit is, there are several things you can do. For example, try to use language like “I can’t let you”, or “I’m going to”, which shows decisive action. Also try getting down on their level height-wise, so that they can hear and see you clearly when you are setting the limit.

Make it logical and age-appropriate.

Remember that the consequence your child receives from misbehaving should be directly related to their behaviour, not to their age. This way, you are conveying to them in a way that they can understand that bad behaviour will equal negative results. Always try to set limits that make sense to them!

No need to explain the limit every time.

Once you’ve set a limit, you don’t need to over-explain it every time. So once your child knows what a limit is, don’t feel the need to go over and over why they have to do it, and why it is important. In fact, if you do this, your child might end up feeling like they can push the limit or get into a negotiation with you.

Set limits for safety.

When setting limits, sometimes we need to step in and take them out of danger. So, if you see that your child is getting into a dangerous situation, make sure to get their attention in any way you can, and step in physically if you need to. This should be the time when you say “no” clearly - with volume if necessary - in order to teach them this type of limit.

Remember it will take practice.

As mentioned, teaching your child to adopt these healthy habits will take some practice. In the moments where you feel frustrated or like you’re not getting anywhere, try practising patience. Take a moment to yourself if you need to, and when you feel ready, try again.

Get support from other people raising their children in a similar way.

Parenting can feel like a lonely journey at times, especially when you’re trying to teach your child something and they’re resisting. If this seems to be happening for you, then try to reach out to parents in a similar position. You’ll be surprised by how comforting and motivating it is.

Recognise that you are doing your best.

At times, every parent will feel like a failure, and this is completely normal. If you find yourself drifting into a negative mindset like this, remember that you are only human, and you’re doing the best you can! Give yourself some credit, parenting is hardly the easiest job in the world!

How can I set limits on my toddler?

Setting boundaries for a child is both important and loving, says Unii.