You wish they were true, all the amazing things your child is saying. They saved their friend's life today! They got the best English results in the class! But talking to their teacher, you know the real story, and events aren’t quite lining up. It’s good they’ve got a vivid imagination, but can there be too much of a good thing? How do you stop your child from boasting so much?

It’s quite easy as an adult to tell tall tales. It’s even easier for children! Most adults tend to know when to hold back and when to embellish. For children, there are no such boundaries. Fanciful stories and feats of daring-do are commonplace in the playground and in the home. But whilst all children boast at one point or another, eventually most grow out of it. However, some children might need a bit of extra help to see that their accomplishments are valid without needing to spin them into tall tales.

So, what exactly does boastful behaviour look like, and how can we identify it?

What are the signs of boastful behaviour?

If your child is following these patterns, they may be indulging in boastful behaviour:

Exaggerating small achievements.

Constantly positioning themselves as ‘the hero’.

Paying compliments to themselves unprompted.

Appearing excessively proud.

Pretending they have won special prizes and achievements.

Now that we know the patterns, let’s have a look at why children will develop boastful behaviour.

Why do children boast?

Here are the top 3 reasons children develop boastful behaviour:

Boastfulness is usually a coping mechanism to fight off feelings of insecurity. A child may boast to cover up their worries about what others think of them.

It also feeds into a need to feel and appear powerful. This in turn is an attempt to control their immediate environment and the opinions of others. This is especially true when they are trying to affect a parent’s opinion of them. Boasting makes them more visible, and in their mind, impressive.

Children also don’t think about cause and effect. They usually don’t understand that if they make a tall claim, you will check it out!

With this in mind, it’s important to prevent this kind of behaviour. Let’s take a look at some strategies and solutions.

How can I prevent this behaviour?

These strategies are key to preventing boastful behaviour:

Don’t necessarily believe that your child is wilfully lying. To them, some of their claims may seem 100% factually correct!

Do not overreact to their claims. Getting into a serious discussion about telling lies will only serve to increase your child's feelings of powerlessness. In fact, in most situations this will increase their claims!

Be clear that you do not believe the boasts, but also make sure you do not come across as saying the child is an outright liar. For example, “I understand you think you might be top of the class, but let’s double check with (teacher) to make sure we’re correct!”.

It really helps to go the extra mile and have excellent communication with your child’s teachers. This way, you can verify any claims and vice versa. This will also help to decrease misunderstandings.

Make it known to your child that you will check their claims! This will immediately make a child think twice before boasting. It also helps develop their understanding of cause and effect.

You can ask the child about their need for boasting. This helps if this is repeated behaviour. For example, “I wonder if saying this makes you feel big and strong?”. This will help the child with self-awareness, and hopefully get them to think about their actions and behaviour.

Reinforce accomplishments that you can genuinely praise your child for. For example, “I know you really didn’t come top of your maths class, but you’ve done stuff that’s equally as amazing... (examples of kindness and empathy, or overcoming challenges)”.

Be clear that your love and appreciation of your child is not related to or dependent on their accomplishments.

How can I respond to my child’s boasting?

Here are the top 3 tips for stopping your child mid-way through a tall tale!

If your child starts boasting, you can respond with neutral language. For example, “That’s an interesting way of looking at it.” or “I can see why you think that.”. This shows the child that you have acknowledged what they’re saying, without explicitly saying that you believe them.

If your child is a bit sensitive, you can use comments that are neutral yet positive. For example, “I always knew you could do this, because of... (give example)”. Try and turn the conversation to something you can genuinely praise the child for, rather than their boastful claim.

Remind your child that you have the ability and resources to fact-check their claims. For instance, if your child claims they got top marks in their maths class, you could say “I’m glad that you can say that. I’m looking forward to hearing it from (the teacher) because they haven’t told me about that yet!”.

How can I stop my child from boasting?

Teach humility and good manners, says Unii.