When your little one sees an exciting toy at a friend’s house or a brightly wrapped chocolate bar at the store, their desire to own it or even just hold it, combined with their natural impulsiveness, can easily lead to them simply reaching out and taking it.

As a parent, when your child steals, you may feel embarrassed and at a bit of a loss as to what to do, but rest assured that it’s actually a very common behaviour in young children.

But why?

Why is stealing so common among preschoolers?

Usually, when a child takes something that does not belong to them, it is a simple case of acting on desire. Preschoolers are still coming to learn about the concept of ownership and property rights. When the desire for something is strong, their moral sense, which is still small at this age, is unlikely to win out. But of course, it’s not a behaviour that can continue, especially when they are surrounded by exciting objects and playthings at preschool, some of which belong to other kids.

So, how do we go about putting a stop to stealing?

How do I prevent my child from stealing?

Let’s suppose you think your child has stolen a sparkly bouncy ball from the supermarket and you’re almost certain it’s in their pocket. You force them to empty their pockets and low and behold, held tightly in their little fist is that same bouncy ball. You take it from them and after a telling-off, they feel guilty and ashamed. You think - Surely they’ll never do it again now? In actuality, shaming children will more often than not make them feel resentful and fail to put a stop to the behaviour.

So, we need alternative approaches. Here are some of the best ways to go about preventing your child from stealing:

Reinforce appropriate behaviours

When a child is still learning to respect the property of others, they need to know when they are doing well. So when your little one is playing with their best friend’s toy and playing nicely, be sure to praise them.

‘I really like the way you are playing with Ginny’s action figure. Thank you for helping her to take such good care of it!’

‘Well done for putting all of Mike’s toys back in the box. We won’t lose any now.’

By consistently praising and commenting on their appropriate behaviours, the positive attention you direct their way encourages them to keep it up!

Empathy

Sometimes the best way to understand a person is to place yourself in their shoes. Children struggle to do this on their own, but with a little encouragement from you, it’s easier for them to relate to a situation and feel empathy. When you have a couple of minutes spare one evening, have a quick chat with them that goes something like this:

‘Remember when you thought you’d lost Bernard the bear? Do you remember how upset you were? And then when we found him behind the sofa, you were so happy! I lost my favourite ring today, and I’m feeling a bit upset. I hope it turns up like Bernard did!’

Do not relate the conversation to their having stolen something, and choose a time frame unrelated to an incident of stealing. The intention behind the conversation is not to make them feel any guilt or for them to confess to having stolen anything, it is simply to teach them to empathise and think of others.

The pocket hunt method

The pocket hunt method is one that generally applies to larger groups of children, but can be applied to the individual if done in the correct way.

While in reality, a pocket hunt is simply checking a child’s pockets for stolen items, it can be spun into a shame-free game. Perhaps you and your child have attended a party, and you’re conscious of the fact that they might have slipped another child’s toy into their pocket. Let everyone know that it might be a good idea to do a quick pocket hunt because, with all the commotion that takes place at a party, something might have fallen into someone's pocket without them knowing. Pass around a box or tub and instruct everyone to pop the contents of their pockets inside. Encourage any adults that are present to partake so that nobody feels singled out. Then it’s simply a matter of returning the items to their respective owners. Make sure the process comes across as more of a game than an inquisition, and minimise any reactions to stolen items. Praise and congratulate when a lost item is found and returned to its owner, as this will encourage your child to want to return items.

If you’re alone with your child at the store, you might suggest that you both do a quick pocket hunt just to make sure nothing accidentally made its way into either of your pockets. If they’ve taken something they shouldn’t have, don’t lecture them, but simply replace the item and comment positively during the process.

How can I stop my little one from stealing?

Unii shares how to deal with this troubling behaviour.