The sun is out, not a cloud in sight, so you and the kids head over to the local playground. You’re keeping a close eye on them as they play on the climbing frame, but then a friend calls, and you get distracted for a moment. Looking back, you notice that your little one is by the playground gate, speaking to a woman you don’t recognise. You head over, a little unsettled, but quickly find there’s nothing to worry about. She’s a part-time classroom assistant who your child knows from preschool and is there with her own kids. Everything’s fine, everyone’s safe!

But it does get you thinking - Can your child identify whether a stranger is “good” or “bad”? Do they know what to do when someone they don’t know approaches them?

If you’re a little unsure, we’ve put together a thorough step-by-step guide to help you teach your little ones how to stay safe around any and all strangers.

How to teach your children about strangers and safety?

Before you go about implementing these steps, know that they will take some time and can’t all be accomplished overnight, so be patient and gentle.

Who is a stranger?

If you haven’t already done so, ask your child what a stranger looks like. They will likely tell you that strangers are bad guys, or perhaps they’ll even refer to them as monsters of some kind. Don’t interrupt them. Instead, listen to what they’re telling you and nod along accordingly. They’re giving you a lot of useful information as to what scares them and how they think. Once they’re finished talking, acknowledge what they have said, saying something along the lines of “Wow, that sure does sound scary.”

Following this, lean in and say, “Do you know what? Not all strangers are bad guys!” (if they refer to strangers as monsters, replace this with “Strangers actually aren’t monsters!”). Explain to them that strangers are “real people!” that can be old like Grandma or young like their small cousin - “Strangers are just normal people that you don’t know!” It may help to be a little over-dramatic during these explanations to help to keep your little one fully engaged.

Next, grab a magazine and look through it together with your child, asking them to point out any bad guys. Most children won’t pick any out. Once you’re done, go through again, pointing to various photos and asking them if they know this person, to which most children will say no. Nod along and agree that you don’t know them either. An older child might recognise one or two celebrities from TV, so ask them if they know them in person.

Once you’ve done this a few times, ask your child if any of these people look like bad guys or monsters and then exclaim that all of these people are strangers! With a smile on your face, ask your child if they know why. Let them think about it and help them come to a conclusion by asking “Do you know any of the people in these photos?” When they reply no, say, “And a stranger is someone you don’t know, right?” Give them a big smile and a high five when they agree and tell them to remember this, as you’ll ask them again later. Encourage them to rush off and play and then, after a couple of minutes have passed, ask, “So, who is a stranger?” With any luck, they’ll reply “Somebody I don’t know.” Congratulate them excitedly and tell them not to forget it, because you’ll ask again later.

Do this a couple of times as the day goes by, each time giving an excited response and reminding them you will ask again soon, so they feel that it is a fun game. Before they go to bed, ask once more and tell them you’re looking forward to asking again in the morning. If they don’t remember in the morning, go back and repeat the magazine game once more. Try to make this process fun and not too serious, so they won’t lose interest or find your asking intimidating. When they finally know the answer the next morning, give a whoop of delight and have a little dance together, showing how pleased you are!

Good strangers vs bad strangers

Now that your little one knows what a stranger is – somebody they don’t know – we can go about teaching them to spot good and bad strangers.

Explain to your child that some strangers are good strangers, and others are bad strangers. “The trouble is, it’s not easy to know whether a stranger is good or bad just by looking at them, so children have to be very careful of all strangers.”

Ask your child who they think a good stranger is and listen carefully to their answer. Does your child feel safe around the right people?

Tell them that good strangers are people we can safely go to if we need help, like police officers, teachers, doctors, and shop assistants. If you can, try to use examples from your child’s life, like a recent visit to the hospital, explaining that the doctor was a good stranger. Ask them again who a good stranger is and offer plenty of praise if they say something along the lines of “someone I can go to for help” or if they list policeman, teacher, doctor, etc.

When it comes to bad strangers, it’s important that your child realises that they can be very tricky to identify, because while they might seem nice at first, they often try to trick kids. In simple terms, explain some tricks bad strangers might play on kids. You might say:

“A bad stranger might say they’ve lost a puppy or kitten and ask you to help them find it when really they didn’t lose anything! A bad stranger might tell you they’ll give you sweets and chocolate if you go with them but really, they won’t! A bad stranger might tell you that mum and dad told them to pick you up when we didn’t!”

Ask your child if they can think of any tricks a stranger might play on a child and give them a moment to think, before helping them sort through any examples they give. Their answers will provide you with a lot of useful information so make sure to really listen. Now ask your child if they know why bad strangers play tricks on kids and give them plenty of time to come up with an answer. No matter their answer, turn on your serious voice and tell them, “Bad strangers try to trick kids, so they can hurt them.” While this may feel a little direct and your child will likely seem scared, it’s important that they know that you are being very serious. Give them a hug and console them, telling them it’s okay to be scared of bad strangers. If they ask why they hurt kids, simply say that you do not know.

Following this, try to lighten the mood with a big smile and tell them you’re going to ask them 3 questions:

Question 1: “What is a stranger?”

Answer: “Somebody that I don’t know.”

Question 2: “Who is a good stranger?”

Answer: “A police officer, a doctor, a teacher, etc.” OR “Somebody I can go to for help.”

Question 3: “Who is a bad stranger?”

Answer: “Someone who tries to trick and hurt children.”

Make sure to offer lots of praise when they get the answers right and help them get there if need be. Repeat these questions over the next few days and only move on to the next step when your child knows the answers to all 3.

Note: The information in this article is intended to keep your child safe. However, as they get older, more responsible, and more mature, it can be beneficial to teach them that people shouldn’t always be labelled as “good” and “bad”, and that the roots of people’s actions are actually far more complex than these simple labels. However, at this young age, don’t worry about this too much!

How can I teach my child to identify good and bad strangers?

Stranger danger is an important concept to teach, says Unii.