In part 1, we discussed methods for teaching your child how to identify strangers. Now, let’s find out what they can do if a stranger approaches them.

What can kids do?

So, now that your child can differentiate between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ strangers, let’s go about teaching them what they can do if a bad stranger confronts them.

Choose a free day after your child has had a good, long night’s sleep, and then begin by making sure they understand how to identify ‘good’ and ‘bad’ strangers. Once you’re confident they understand, ask them if they would like to play a pretend game called ‘Stranger – What do you do?’. Explain to them that you will ask them a few questions and then pretend to be a bad stranger and try to trick them. For them to win, they mustn’t get tricked! Make sure to keep it lighthearted.

Here are a few examples of the questions you could ask:

“What do you do if someone you don’t know asks you to help to find their lost kitten?”

“What do you do if someone you don’t know says they’ll give you chocolate?”

“What do you do if someone you don’t know says your mum asked them to pick you up?”

Your child will probably say something along the lines of, “Tell them no!”. Tell them that’s right, but they have to say it really loud. If this situation were to play out, the bigger your child’s reaction the better. Practice with them a few times, getting them to shout as loud as they can. Then tell them there’s one more thing they have to do - “You also need to run away like this (demonstrate) and find the nearest adult.”

Make sure to really run, not just jog, and if there isn’t another adult present, run towards a stuffed toy or a doll, pretending that they are an adult. Tell the other adult or stuffed toy about the stranger and what they said to you, and then let your child have a couple of goes. Encourage them to really run and to shout “No” nice and loud. You can also swap places and have them play the role of the bad stranger as you run away. Remind them to tell the nearby adult if they forget and then offer lots of hugs, high-fives, and fist bumps when they get it right.

This role-play is not a one-time fix and should be practiced often. Once your child is responding appropriately each time you play the game, it’s time to move on to the final step.

Fighting back

Before we begin this step there are a few things to take note of. Know that it may be a little tricky and will take some time, so be patient with your child and don’t force them to partake. If they’re getting bored, let them go and do something else because we need them to be paying close attention. And again, to keep your child engaged, try to make this more of a lighthearted game than a lesson or a chore.

Begin by covering everything we have learnt so far. After a few rounds of the ‘What to do’ game, take your child’s hand and see if they pull it away when they should run away. If they do, that’s great. Otherwise, explain that you want them to pull their hand away as they run.

Repeat the scenario, this time holding their wrist and holding so that it’s a little more difficult for them to pull free. Of course, you must be careful not to hurt your child. Then explain that bad strangers might hold on very tight, and they’ll need to really yank their arm away to get free. Remember to let them play the role of the stranger too, so you can demonstrate how important this is. But again, try to keep things playful - while it’s a very important lesson, you don’t want your child to be overly fearful.

Do the scenario yet again and this time don’t let them run away. Explain that “sometimes, even if they try to pull away really hard, it might not be possible to get away from a bad stranger. But that’s alright because there are other things we can do!” Tell them that they should scream and shout “Help! Let me go!” and keep trying to get away, and then practice this a few times.

Now ask them if they can think of anything else they could do to stop a bad stranger who still won’t let them go. After a while, they might suggest fighting the bad stranger. Don’t be alarmed. Instead, show that you are pleased with them for getting the answer right. They may be a little surprised given that you have told them never to hit or kick, pull hair, or bite, so now is the time for your serious voice. Emphasise that these behaviours are only okay if a bad stranger is trying to take them away, but under no other circumstances. When you come to practice this together, remind them that with you, it is just pretend, so they mustn’t really hurt you. Again, take turns being the bad stranger.

You also need to let your little one know that “Sometimes, when another grown-up comes to help you, a bad stranger might be extra tricky. They might lie to the grown-up and say that they’re your mummy or daddy and that you are just being naughty.” Tell them that if this happens, they must keep shouting – “Help! He isn’t my daddy! They’re hurting me!”

It’s really important that you practice this every now and again but try to keep it fun, not frightening or boring. Create new scenarios and keep testing their stranger knowledge. And always make sure to emphasise that it is only okay to fight if a bad stranger is trying to take them away or won’t let them go.

Finally, have your child repeat what they have learnt to a family member. It’s important that they respond enthusiastically, offering plenty of praise, and then take them for a special day out or buy them a fun present. If their reward and your excitement are memorable, what you have told and taught your child is much more likely to stick.

How can I teach my child about "stranger danger" without scaring them?

Unii shares what your child should know about responding when approached by a stranger.