Children often behave in ways that we adults find confusing. But what happens when your little one does something that you just can’t make sense of?

If your child is showing behaviours that confuse you, and you’re not sure whether or not to be concerned, know that this comes up for a lot of parents.

So, let’s first explore some behaviours that might be a little confusing or even annoying but are indeed normal, beginning with preschool-aged kids.

What are some difficult but normal behaviours in preschoolers (3-5)?

With the transition to preschool, your little one will be experimenting with more independence. This will likely lead to many more “no’s” and a good few arguments. While tantrums are still on the cards, your child’s impulse control should have improved. Don’t be surprised if they exhibit minor aggression at times, but encourage them to use their words, not their fists.

What are some difficult but normal behaviours in young school-aged kids (6-9)?

Once your little one begins school, they’ll have to take on a host of new responsibilities, which will be both confusing and exciting. At times they’ll struggle with their newfound freedom, so don’t forget to assist them with chores or homework. This age can be a little tricky when it comes to dealing with failure and other uncomfortable emotions, but this is normal.

What are some difficult but normal behaviours in pre-teen kids (10-12)?

As they hit this age group, it is very normal for your child to feel somewhat oppositional towards their parents, so don’t be thrown by the odd argument. Similarly, their relationships with friends may be more up and down than before, so they’ll need plenty of positive attention to reinforce good behaviour. While they’ll appear much more able to communicate, they’ll still struggle to always see the long-term consequences of their actions, but don’t be too discouraged. Instead, turn setbacks into teachable moments.

What are some difficult but normal behaviours in teenagers (13-18)?

Teenagers very much like to think of themselves as adults but they’ll still need your help with various things. That being said, encourage self-discipline when it comes to homework and chores. Teenagers are constantly finding out who they are, so don’t be too confused by changes in friend groups, new hairstyles or clothing choices. Minor rebellion is entirely normal at this age, so be sure to set some clear expectations in terms of house rules.

So, we’ve covered the individual age groups and behaviours normal to each. Now, let’s explore those behaviours that might justify feelings of worry.

When should I be worried about my child’s behaviour?

The following behaviours might indicate that your child needs a little extra help from you or even a medical professional.

Difficulties with impulse control. Impulse control doesn’t come overnight; it takes years for kids to develop control over their emotions. However, if your older, school-aged kids or teens are shouting at teachers or showing a lot of aggression, they may need some help working on their impulse control.

Struggling to manage their emotions. While temper tantrums are entirely normal amongst toddlers and even preschoolers, older children should be able to cope with difficult emotions without immediately resorting to tantrum-like behaviours.

Problems at school. If your little one is engaging in behaviours that are getting in the way of schoolwork – fighting or showing real difficulty focusing – it’s important that you talk to their teachers and try to come up with a solution.

Difficulties socialising. While all children will have the occasional spat or fallout with friends, if your little one appears to have no friends at all and struggles to socialise, this is something that you must address and help them with.

Self-injury. Any type of self-injury needs to be addressed immediately with the help of a mental health professional.

How can I tell if my child's misbehaviour is normal?

What form of discipline is best to keep your misbehaving child in line? How should this change as they age?