“No, no, no!” It somehow seems to be the case that “no” is the most used word in your vocabulary these days, especially when it comes to your toddler. As a result, the number of tantrums, difficult days, and thrown objects seems to have risen. But are you finding that “no” has become automatic? Are you preparing to say “no” even if your toddler’s question seems reasonable? Is there a way we can unlearn saying “no” and start saying “yes”?

"Yes" can seem like one of the most terrifying and least used words in parenting, but saying “no” can lead to a cycle of the same behaviours repeating themselves. As parents, it’s our job to guide the family ship and to keep it on course through stormy seas. Naturally, that means saying “no”… a lot.

But how can saying “yes” also help to navigate stormy seas?

To keep with our ship analogy, whilst we are the captains of our family ship, we are also raising future captains! Eventually, we need to let our little ones take the helm.

Saying “yes” can give your children the independence they need to make their own choices and feel in control. They’ve got to learn how to navigate this world on their own, and you need to be okay with that. It helps improve their self-esteem and helps build decision-making skills.

Think about how many decisions you make a day. From when to wake up, what you wear, what to eat, where to go and what to do. We don’t even realise how many hundreds of small decisions we make every day.

Now ask yourself, how many decisions does your child get to make, and how many decisions are you making for them?

We often feel like we need to control every aspect of their life, but that’s not necessarily true. Imagine how you’d feel if every decision that involved you were out of your hands! Probably not very good, right?

We’re not saying you need to let them choose chocolate for breakfast or decide when to go to bed, as those are critical things we need to take charge of for their health and well-being. Instead, we can look for decisions that won’t completely topple your family or parenting system. These decisions don’t make a significant difference for you but can have a massive impact on your little one. Decisions like what shoes to wear or what book they want to read. These decisions give them some independence and a feeling of having control. Give them a chance to make some choices during the day.

As parents, we never want to see our children fail. It can frustrate us when they don’t pick the obvious, better option. But learning about failure and how to deal with it is vital for a child’s development. It helps them practise decision-making and lets them know that failure is okay and not the end of the world! If a child grows up never having to make a decision, what’s going to happen when they’re a teenager? If your child refuses to wear a coat on a chilly day, watch what happens if you let them outside for a few minutes, they’ll come back and ask for the coat. They’ve just learned a lesson all on their own! As well as a teachable moment, they’ve failed and learned that it wasn’t the end of the world.

So, how can I introduce choices into my toddler’s daily schedule?

Here is a routine of daily decisions that you can introduce into your child’s day:

Which jacket to wear.

Which shoes to wear.

Which pyjamas to wear.

What goes on their toast/breakfast (Give a choice between 2 healthy options).

What cup to put their drink in.

How they like their hair styled.

What books/activities to read/do.

Where to play (inside/outside).

These are just a few options to choose from. You’re sure to find plenty more you can add to give your child some independence and decision-making skills. So, turn off the “no” button and start giving out a few more “yeses.” It can have an enormous impact on your child’s development.

How can we start saying yes to our toddlers?

Starting to say "yes" more often to toddlers can help foster a positive and supportive environment for their development.Thank