It’s your child’s first day at their new school. They’re fed and watered, their teeth and hair are brushed, and they’re dressed in her brand-spanking new uniform. With a few minutes to spare before you have to leave, you stand them in front of the mirror in their bedroom, and you both stare at the reflection. A tear comes to your eye. Where has the time gone? Your little one is all grown up, and you couldn’t be prouder.

But as you stare at their facial expression, you wonder what they are feeling. They look a little forlorn, a little unsure, and a little nervous.

In your eyes, they should have everything to feel confident about. You desperately want your child to be happy and get off to a good start on their first day.

And so you wonder - I think the world of my little girl, but how does she feel about herself?

Why is self-esteem so important for children?

As human beings, the way we perceive ourselves is incredibly complicated and incredibly important. Our self-image and self-esteem will shape the relationships we form, the future we pave, and the understanding we will ultimately have of our place in the world.

Emotionally, your child is at a tentative stage from the ages of 5 to 7. They are beginning to understand more about themselves, including how comfortable they feel within their own bodies and their own emotional world. They are trying to figure out what they are good at, what they have to offer, and what impression they have of who they are. Ultimately, this is a crucial period of time for a child, as the feelings about themselves that they develop now will likely affect the ones they have as a teenager and as an adult.

As a parent, you have a big role in building your child’s core sense of self-esteem. As they grow, they will have to take more of this responsibility on themselves, but for now, it’s important that you understand how to bolster their feelings of self-worth so they are off to a good start.

So, here are some ways that you can boost your child’s self-esteem.

How can I boost my child’s self-esteem?

Practice attachment parenting. This means putting yourself in the place of your child, and imagining how they feel in a situation. For example, imagine how you would feel if you were them on their birthday. They are surrounded by family and friends telling them how beautiful they look. They have had a cake made especially for them, and have been given a lot of wonderful presents. This is a time when a child would feel especially worthy and special, and it is therefore an opportunity to celebrate them and give them lots of attention!

Remember that responsiveness is the key to infant self-value. Responding to your child promptly and consistently is one of the most positive things you can do for their self-development. This repetition will enforce the positive message that they are worthy, because they are being actively listened to. Over time, their self-esteem will thrive from this input.

Help your child to deal with healthy frustration that will teach them to make room for change. Depending on whether your child is thin-skinned or thick-skinned (metaphorically speaking) they will tend to perceive suggestions for change in different ways. If they are more thin-skinned and sensitive, they will tend to take instructions for change as criticism. But if they are more thick-skinned, they won’t tend to get as easily offended or crushed by this. Your child is always going to come across constructive criticism and comments about ways in which they could change throughout their life. Therefore, it would be most helpful to them if you could assist them with learning to take this criticism in a healthy way, and get up every time they fall down!

Play catch-up. As parents, we are always learning. When you hear about the parenting styles of others that you didn’t actively try out, it can be easy to feel deflated or like you haven’t done your child justice. If you feel like this, please don’t be hard on yourself! It’s never too late to play catch up, and nurture your child’s self-image.

Improve your own self-confidence. They say how we feel about ourselves affects every other element of our lives. And it’s true, especially when it comes to our parenting. In order to properly care for our children and positively shape how they see themselves, we must first heal how we feel about ourselves.

Heal your past. We know this isn’t an easy instruction. Healing your past can take a lot of introspection, and it can be quite painful at times. However, if you have issues related to anger, poor-self image, or the way you were parented, you absolutely need to work through these. Because if not, these issues run the risk of bleeding into how your child sees themselves. Healing yourself is the first step to nurturing your child’s self-image and self-esteem, so give yourself the chance to.

To tease or not to tease. Sometimes when we make a joke, it will be well-received and appreciated. And other times it won’t. When you have a child the same principles apply, especially at this age as they will be particularly sensitive. Something that you may mean light-heartedly may come across as a put-down. So be aware of this.

Polish your mirror. Children will often mirror their parents, and mirror their emotions too! Children are also exceptionally good at copying their parents, sometimes on a completely subconscious level. And because a child’s self-image is so tied up with that of their parents, it’s highly important you think about the image of yourself you are portraying to your child. Ask yourself - Am I happy? What do I think of myself?

Remember what your child needs most is a happy parent. Being happy isn’t always an easy task, we understand that and completely empathise if this is something you struggle with. However, remember that your child needs you to be elevated on an emotional level, as they feed off this positivity to develop their own happiness and self-esteem. This being said, it’s important for you to teach them that parents have down days too, and that this is completely normal.

Be a positive mirror. What we mean by this, is to mirror back to your child positive things about themselves. Show them that they are clever, fun to be around, kind, loving, and generous. This will significantly contribute to their sense of well-being, and ultimately their self-image.

Play with your child. Playing is an incredibly important part of spending time with your child, as it will ultimately contribute to their overall self-esteem. Play teaches your child that they are valuable, worth spending time with, and that you want to invest in them. Also, keep in mind that letting your child initiate the play will contribute to increasing their self-esteem, too.

Remember that parents need play too. Although play may seem like a simple activity to an adult, it is an incredibly important experience for bonding with your child. Play allows you to really get to know your child and their temperament in a totally relaxed environment. It allows you to understand how to cater to their needs, and therefore, boost their overall self-esteem.

How do I bolster my child’s self-esteem? (Part 1)

In this three-part article, Unii explores how to give your child healthy self-regard.