Looking back to your teenage years, you will surely remember times when you had some self-esteem and body confidence issues, and a little trouble looking at yourself in the mirror on some days. After all, it’s natural for anyone to feel a little unsure of themselves as they are growing up and getting to understand who they are as a person — it’s all part of the process!

But now, as a parent, do you ever consider the idea that your preschooler may be going through the same emotions you did as a once insecure teen?

As difficult as it may be to think about, many young children today are developing issues with their body image and self-esteem as early as 3 years old. While there’s plenty of information out there on how to be careful when talking about the bodies of teens and adults, we don’t often stop to think about how our words might negatively affect the way our little ones see themselves too.

But before we can understand how to help our kids develop good levels of self-confidence and self-esteem early on, we need to understand the nature of the language we are using, and how to filter it.

How should I speak to my child about body image?

The truth is, we are living in a world where, according to research, some 3-year-olds are feeling the need to describe themselves as ‘fat’ or ‘ugly’, and are expressing the desire to lose weight. In our opinion, the mainstream media has a lot to answer for, but we can also do our part to stop this by understanding the messages we may be unintentionally giving them.

Let’s say you’re getting your preschooler ready for a social event. How do you talk to them? What comments do we make on the way they look? Although it may feel natural to say things like, ‘oh, look how cute you look!’ or ‘doesn’t that hairband make her look so pretty!’ - these comments may not be having a good effect. If a child is already conscious of the way they look, consistently hearing comments about their appearance, in addition to being told to look ‘neat, tidy and perfect’ on regular occasions, like in school, might not be helpful. Like the rest of us, children want to do well and live up to expectations. Over time, these little comments, as small as they might feel to you, might leak into their beliefs about their self-image.

So now we understand what impact words can have on your child’s self-image, what can we do to make sure we are talking to them in a way that will boost their self-confidence and self-esteem?

How can I help my child develop self-confidence and self-esteem?

As parents, we know that it is our job to help our little ones develop a genuine sense of self-confidence, self-esteem, resilience, empathy, kindness, and other such traits. But to do this, we need to evaluate our own views to a certain degree.

Let’s look at this idea through a real-life example. Suppose you are attending the wedding of a family friend. You are excitedly dressing your little one up in their outfit for the wedding. You make a fuss of them, comment on how beautiful their outfit is, how well-combed their hair is, and how shiny their shoes are. Not only that, but you talk to them about how lovely it will be to have their photo taken, and how you are pleased that these photos will be memories you can treasure forever.

In this situation, although your words towards them will be well-intended, it’s good to stop and take a moment to understand what your own opinions and views are. Ask yourself, why do you want to make sure your child is presented to a certain standard? To you, what is this standard, and what does it mean to look ‘pretty’ or ‘presentable’? Why do you feel the need to comment on their appearance?

These sorts of scenarios are a chance for you, as a parent, to look inwards. To dig deep, and question your own views and gauge how they might be affecting your preschooler. Most importantly, they are a chance to think about how your opinions might differ from your child’s, and how they might be feeling about their own appearance and self-image in this type of situation.

Remember that at the heart of this lesson, the point is that it’s not about how your child looks, but about how they feel and who they are on the inside.

Top tip: At this age, it’s best to refrain from allowing your little one on screens. However, if your child sometimes goes on your phone, iPad, or computer, make sure you know what they are doing. Keep them off media channels such as YouTube, because these sites contain videos which may harm their self-image, body confidence, and overall mental wellbeing.

How do I boost my child’s self-image?

Unii shares how to boost your child’s self image.