One decision you’ll need to make before the big day is who you would like to accompany you at the birth. Maybe you already know that you only want your partner at the birth, or maybe you have someone else in mind. But when you’re deciding on who you’d like supporting you during labour, it’s important that you have someone (or people) there that you absolutely trust and feel the most comfortable with.

Whoever you choose to be your birth support, you have the opportunity to show them what you need from them. It’s a matter of supporting them to support you.

If your partner is the one who you would like to support you at the birth, you can tell your partner that you need simple reassurances like:

Telling you how much they love you and what an amazing job you’re doing.

Temporarily putting aside their fears and focusing on you and what you need.

Understanding that whatever you say mid-contraction needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Being as specific as you can, will really help your partner to support you in the best way possible.

How to set your partner up for success as your labour support

Understanding your partner’s needs before birth will also serve to support you. We understand if thinking about your partner’s needs makes you feel resentful - it’s you who has to go through this after all. But try to remember that just because their experience is nothing compared to yours, they are still not immune from birth stress.

So, how can you help your partner?

If your partner is particularly anxious and gags at the sight of blood, you could recommend they just keep looking at you in the eyes during labour.

If they get grumpy when they are hungry, suggest they bring some snacks with them.

If they’re not good with getting no sleep, suggest they bring a pillow with them and an eye mask so they can have a power nap.

Let’s take a look at why it’s a good idea to ask someone other than your partner to be your birth support.

Why should I ask someone other than my partner to be my birth support?

No matter how much you plan everything out, there is no guarantee that your partner will be with you when you go into labour. If your baby comes early or unexpectedly, your partner could be out of town, stuck in traffic or in an area with no reception, therefore isn’t able to answer your calls. There could be any number of reasons why your partner might not be able to be there.

While this may be quite an uncomfortable thought for some women, it’s important to accept this as a reality and have a plan B.

You may also want a plan B if you doubt your partner’s ability to support you physically and emotionally during labour. Maybe they have previously flown into worry and panic when you’ve simply sneezed or you’ve seen the way they communicate with doctors who say there may be a health concern, or maybe you’re worried they may faint at the slightest glimpse of blood. Or maybe you just want to ease the pressure off them. Rather than exclude your partner, you can ask someone else to come along to help.

What do I do if I don’t have a partner?

If you don’t have a partner, then we strongly recommend you ask at least one person you trust to come with you. The benefit of asking a family member is that they have usually seen you at your worst and there is a sense of familiarity that can help you to feel safe during birth.

Or you may want to ask a best friend who you’ve known for a long time and who you feel completely safe with.

Again, whoever you choose, always have a plan B to ensure someone will be able to support you during labour.

Final note: It’s important that you don’t compromise on this decision. You may be worried that some people will be offended if you don’t want them there, but make sure that you stick with whatever is most comfortable for you!

How do I decide who will be with me during birth?

Your birth partner(s) will have seriously important supporting roles.