As you’ve watched your child grow up, you’ve never run into any problems regarding discipline. They went to bed when you said, ate their supper when it was ready, and always tidied up their toys as best they could. However, now that they’re reaching school-age, you’ve started to notice some changes in their attitude. All of a sudden, they’re arguing with their siblings, challenging any rules you set, and requesting more screen time.

What is going on?

When your child reaches school-age, it’s very common for changes in their behaviour to occur. However frustrating this may be, it’s important to recognise that this is a common occurrence for children of this age range. However, we understand that this can be frustrating. Therefore we thought it would be useful to outline some discipline strategies that you can turn to when you come across these problems.

First of all, let’s talk about some school-age challenges you might come across in the first place.

What are some school-age challenges I might come across?

Suddenly refusing to do everyday tasks. This can include refusing to do their homework, putting away their shoes, refusing to turn off the TV, or clearing the dishes. The reason that children become more defiant at this point in their life is that they are becoming more articulate and much more able to express their thoughts.

They may argue with their siblings. If you have more than one child, then you may also notice your little one arguing with their siblings during these years. It may be over something seemingly trivial or small such as whose turn it is to sit in the middle seat in the car or use the iPad.

They may challenge rules and limits. You may also notice that your child tries to challenge you when you set rules and limits and become argumentative and competitive whilst doing so. They may also ignore, postpone, complain, or dawdle when they are asked to do things.

Now that we’ve outlined some common school-age challenges you might come across, let’s move on to talking about how you can deal with them!

What are some discipline strategies that work?

Focusing on good behaviour

Children respond better to positive language, rather than negative. So, if you find yourself constantly correcting their behaviour, then make a conscious effort to focus on the positive instead. For example, try to praise them for things that you can see they are trying to get right, like following your directions. It might help you to remember the rule of “Whatever you focus on is what you get more of” when it comes to focusing on good behaviour.

Using time-out

Although using the time-out tactic may seem more suited to toddlers, it can be very effective for school-age children, too. This is because it can be used as a ‘cooling off’ period when your child is upset. This time will allow them the space to calm down and de-escalate their emotions before you have a conversation with them about their behaviour.

Making enforceable statements

At this age, your child will likely be asserting their independence in different ways. For example, through riding a bike, tying their own shoes, or making themselves a simple meal. However, with asserting independence can come power struggles, which are a frustrating experience for parents. So, telling your child what they can do rather than what they can’t through an enforceable statement is a great way to avoid a power struggle. For example, saying something like “Feel free to play baseball with your friends once your room is clean” is better than “Clean your room or you can’t play baseball!”.

Providing logical consequences

Providing logical consequences is the most powerful way to discipline kids, as it allows them to make sense of how their behaviour has led to a consequence, and makes them more likely to change their behaviour in the future. If a consequence is unrelated to their behaviour, then they will probably end up feeling defensive, confused, and wronged. Overall, providing logical consequences allows a child to learn a lesson without feeling any shame or anger.

Allowing for natural consequences

Although you will feel the instinct to constantly remind your child to do things, sometimes allowing for natural consequences will effectively teach them the right lessons. For example, if they forget to pack their snack for the park when you tell them to, then the consequence is that they won’t have anything to eat while they’re at the park. Feeling disappointed or hungry will help them to remember to pack a snack on future trips to the park.

How do I discipline my child?

Unii delves into this sometimes challenging part of parenting.