As a human species, we are often very resistant to change. There tends to be an attachment to what is familiar because familiarity is safe and comfortable. Change on the other hand is uncertain and unpredictable, which equals terrifying! This is especially true for those of us who love to be in control, which, let’s face it, is most of us. Motherhood is arguably the most gargantuan change that a woman will experience. So it’s no surprise that even for the most resilient of mothers, it takes some adjusting.

There’s such uncertainty around this specific change, that it can send us into sheer panic. What if my body won’t recover? What if I screw up my child? What if I’ve lost myself forever? What if I always feel this exhausted? Is my relationship doomed?

The irony, of course, is that along with birth and death, change is one of the few certainties in life. And the more we can embrace change, the easier and more enjoyable life becomes. The more rigid and resistant we are to change, the more we suffer.

But to embrace the new, we must let go of (and grieve) the old. And for you as a new mother, this means letting go of your old life and the old you to make room for the new, more beautiful and powerful you.

So let’s take a look at how to surrender to the epic transformation of motherhood.

How can I surrender to the epic transformation of motherhood?

Let go of perfection and expectation. Be aware of the illusions and expectations you have around what kind of mother you will be and the illusions about how things should be. What would it take for you to fully embrace and say “Yes” to how things actually are and who you actually are?

Have deep compassion for yourself as you navigate these radical shifts. As if the radical identity shift into motherhood were not destabilizing enough, relationships with friends and family can also take an abrupt change in direction that can be unsettling. So it’s no wonder that many mothers feel like they are verging on the edge of insanity during those beginning stages of motherhood. We invite you to have the deepest compassion for yourself during this huge adjustment. Be gentle with yourself, allowing the emotional turmoil, chaos and uncertainty to be fully felt and embraced.

Embrace your emotional meltdowns. Motherhood brings about an intensity of emotion that, at times, you may feel powerless to. From utter despair and rage to ecstatic bliss, the rollercoaster of emotion will likely take you on a wild, unpredictable ride. Do not resist it.If you need to cry, cry, if you need to be angry, scream into a pillow - keep responding to your needs in every moment.

Honour the cycle of life you are in. When surrendering to change, it can help to look at the cycle or ‘season’ you are in. There are times when everything feels vibrant, blossoming, sexy and alive, and times when everything feels dark, chaotic, lonely and sad. We can see similar changes and transformations in nature; the leaves fall during autumn, are left baron and bare during winter, and blossom again in spring. Life goes through phases and cycles and each phase brings a different energy and experience. No phase lasts forever but each phase gets us ready for the next phase. Every phase and cycle is as important and beautiful as the next so how can you honour the cycle that you’re in right now?

Embody a different kind of beauty: a truer beauty. It is common for new mothers to despair over the perceived loss of their former “more attractive” self. It can feel like we’re inhabiting a completely different body that is not our own. But again, this is not permanent. You will recognise your body as your own again. In the meantime, there is an opportunity waiting for you; an opportunity to deepen the love and connection you have with yourself. It’s a love not based on appearance and body shape but based on a deeply profound level of respect and admiration for what you have endured. You have birthed new life into this world. You are the embodiment of a wild earth mother! This epic transition requires your compassion and a deep respect for yourself and all the other mothers out there who are experiencing the same life-changing transformation.

Let go! Try not to attach only to the good feelings and avoid the bad feelings. It’s very easy to want to grab hold of the blissful feelings and wish you could experience them forever. But as we said earlier, nothing stays the same. You will vacillate through the whole spectrum of emotions. When those challenging emotions wash over you, hold yourself as you would your crying baby and tell yourself “I’ve got you”. Even say it out loud to yourself - “I’ve got you.” The more you can learn to love, honour and accept every part of your experience, the more magnificent and transcendent your journey through motherhood will be.

Final thoughts:

Rather than resist change, find ways to embrace the emotional and physical rollercoaster of motherhood.

Motherhood transforms you. And because this change is so dramatic, it can feel like you’re losing yourself. But you’re not. You are discovering yourself in new ways that you would have never encountered had you not become a mother.

It can feel like you’re losing yourself when experiencing the change of motherhood. But you’re not! You are simply discovering yourself in new ways that you would have never encountered had you not become a mother.

How do I embrace the epic change of motherhood?

Cuddle your baby as much as you can, says Unii.