Every child has a different personality. Some are louder and more excitable, while others are shy, introverted, and much more likely to hide behind your leg when meeting new people! While shyness in childhood is especially common, and we should be bringing up our children to wholeheartedly embrace their uniqueness, this trait can sometimes get in the way of development. After all, we all need to develop a healthy dose of confidence to go forth in our lives happily and successfully.

As a doting parent, we know you’ll want to know more about what you can do to bring your child out of their shell positively. But before learning more about how you can respond to your child’s shyness, let’s learn further about why they might be displaying this trait in the first place.

Why might children show shyness?

Children may be shy for a variety of reasons related to age and stage of development, personality traits, separation anxiety, and social anxiety. It’s important to be aware of all possible causes, as understanding your child’s shyness is the key to helping you help them!

So let’s run through some of the possible causes now:

Age and stage of development:

As mentioned, being reserved or appearing a bit unsure of unfamiliar adults can be linked purely to their age and stage of development. It’s actually very normal for a child from 18 months through to three years to show signs of being shy in various social situations. To understand this better from a biological point of view, to a little three-year-old, the big bad wolf can appear in the form of every new adult. Their shy reactions are likely instinctive evolutionary responses designed to protect them from being taken by predators.

Personality trait:

Some researchers believe that a child’s shyness is part of their personality, but the degree to which that shyness is being displayed is related to the environment they are growing up in. For example, if your child is put under pressure to be more sociable at a dinner party with lots of new adults and kids, this is in fact likely to do the opposite and make them more inclined to find and run and find a hiding place and not come out for the rest of the evening.

Separation anxiety:

Separation anxiety can happen when a child has a strong attachment to a particular adult, and is placed in a setting that they have not properly settled into. This may result in them keeping away from other adults in the setting, or limiting their interactions with others in general.

Social anxiety:

Normally recognised in older children and teenagers, it’s important to note that social anxiety is different to shyness, and is linked to feelings of being judged, fears of failing, and worries about others’ expectations. If your child doesn’t want to eat in public, or has tantrums which aren't typical of their age, they may have social anxiety instead of shyness.

Now that we’ve delved into why your child might be displaying shyness, let’s look at the ways in which you can go about helping them.

How can I help my preschooler’s shyness?

Overall, to help your child with their shyness, it’s always best not to make a big deal out of it. Children are greatly influenced by your behaviour and reactions to them, so if they hear that they are a ‘shy child’, it can really start to affect their self-concept.

Here are some other ways you can respond positively to your child’s shyness:

Be careful with others’ approach:

The way that adults approach a child who is struggling with shyness is really important, because as we know, a child’s response will depend greatly on the reaction they get from an adult. If your child is shy, before introducing them to other adults who don’t know their personality yet, make sure to warn them not to initiate conversation and be careful in their approach.

Focus on an activity:

When trying to involve your child in an activity like using a puppet or planting seeds, for example, it’s always better and more productive to focus on the activity instead of the child themselves. This is because some children’s curiosity will overtake their reticence. This way, the child always ends up feeling less threatened and in a more relaxed place to join in with everyone else.

Be positive:

Among preschool children, shyness is often perceived as a problem. However, this is a common misconception. The fact is that some people are much more extroverted, while others are not — and this is perfectly okay! As long as you know how to react positively to shyness to help your child through any obstacles they might encounter, then there’s no need to worry.

How do I help my child’s shyness?

Bring your child out of their shell with Unii’s tips.