It’s Friday night, and you’ve got a phone call scheduled at 6 pm with a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while. You’re looking forward to having a cup of tea on the sofa, relaxing for an hour or two, and having a good catch up.

However, Friday night is when you would usually bathe your two-year-old. But you’ve deliberately found something else to do in that time, as you know they need to get used to your partner carrying out the job instead.

Your little one is very attached to you, and therefore, always seems to have a problem with your partner helping with day-to-day activities instead of you. They cry or sulk when your partner takes them to nursery school, babysits, or tries to bathe them.

Parents, we know how frustrating it can be when your little one gets fixated on one parent and resists letting the other do things for them. However, as difficult as it may be, it’s important not to give up on the relationship your child is forming with your partner and find the root cause behind what’s causing these difficulties.

So, before tackling how we can help our children strengthen the bond they have with our partner, let’s tackle the ‘why’.

Why does my child express difficulty in cooperating with my partner?

Toddlers will sometimes get fixated on the parent they spend more time with. If you find that your toddler is becoming too attached to you and is resisting spending time with your partner, it may simply be because they have spent the most amount of time with you instead of them.
A parent is more absent for one reason or another. Sometimes, children grow up in situations where one parent is a lot more absent than the other due to practical reasons like work. When they do see the child, they often expect an immediate bond and to pick up where they left off. As expected, this often isn’t the case and pushes the child further towards the other parent.
The parents’ relationship itself is strained. There are some scenarios where children are being co-parented by parents who don’t get along very well. In some instances, the child will be able to feel the strain or tension within the relationship and naturally feel distant from one of them.

How do I encourage a healthy relationship between my partner and my child?

Encourage them to spend more time together in any way you can. When trying to strengthen the relationship between your partner and your child, it’s important that you capitalise on any opportunity for them to spend time together. Whether that might be getting your partner to take them to the park, give them a bath, or help them brush their teeth.

If the parent is distant because of work reasons, have them regularly talk to the child on the phone or send letters. If a child is physically kept away from one parent because of circumstance, then it will help their bond to keep the lines of communication open in any way you can. Schedule regular calls, and encourage your partner to send letters and photographs.

Stay calm when your child resists spending time with your partner. We know it can be extremely frustrating and upsetting that your child doesn’t seem to want to be close to your partner. But in these moments, it’s important that you stay calm and remember that you can work through these problems as a family.

Remember that children adapt quickly. Getting into a new routine of your child spending more time with one parent is always difficult, and your child may actively refuse at first. However, it’s key that you stick to a new routine once you have decided to implement one. Once your child understands that this is the norm, they will quickly adapt.

Remember that your child’s reaction isn’t personal. When a child expresses a desire to spend more time with one parent than the other, it can feel personal. However, remember that at this age – it really isn’t! This is simply a developmental blip that you will all get through by properly nurturing the relationship between that parent with the child.

How do I help my partner strengthen their bond with our child?

You can't spoil your child with love from either parent, says Unii.