If you’re like most women, your self-esteem is very closely linked with your appearance and body image. So it’s no wonder that after your beautiful body has taken a bit of a beating post-birth, you’re feeling a little dissatisfied with your new shape. You may even feel like you don’t recognise the new you. Please know that this is all very normal and is an experience that every mother goes through. And we want you to know that - we’ve got you!

Despite what many self-help books say, we’re not going to tell you that the key to loving your body again post-baby is to stare in the mirror and repeat, “I’m more beautiful than ever”, over and over again until you believe it. In fact, we’re not sure body-positive affirmations really do anything other than give you surface-level, temporary relief, if that. Although, if they work for you, then, of course, keep doing what you’re doing.

But what we are going to tell you is that the key to loving your body post-baby is curiosity and patience. If you can be curious about the insecurities you’re experiencing but also be patient with yourself, you can begin to make choices that feed and nourish a flourishing self-esteem, instead of sending you down into a pit of self-deprecating despair!

Before we look at some ways you can cultivate a positive body image and maintain a healthy relationship with your body, let’s first explore some of the things that may be standing in your way when it comes to truly believing that you are beautiful.

What stands in your way from believing that you have a beautiful body?

Social media. It’s no surprise that women have a hard time accepting their bodies when the media depictions of what’s “beautiful” have become so ridiculously limited. Social media so often celebrates what society considers "perfect" and not what is normal - bodies that come in all shapes and sizes. When we're bombarded by these so-called "perfect" images, it's easy to believe that becoming this idea of perfection will miraculously zap away all of our insecurities and inadequacies.

An underlying feeling of lack. Nearly every one of us, especially on a particularly low day, will see something to envy in another. We will notice something about someone else's appearance that we wish we had, which, in turn, brings a hyper-awareness to what we don’t have.

Culture says that mothers can’t be “sexy”. There is a cultural view that mothers have to self-sacrifice, which, as well as other things, means sacrificing their sexuality and desire for a beautiful appearance.

Feeling under-resourced. There’s nothing that fuels inadequacy more than being stressed and sleep-deprived. When you’re exhausted, it’s impossible to have access to clear, rational thought and it becomes very easy to go down the rabbit hole of not feeling good enough. How well-rested you are can literally transform how you think about your body from one day to the next.

Women are judged more on how they look than how they feel. Although the standards of beauty may change, there is one common societal belief that has not changed: a woman's body and looks are her golden tickets to validation and power. A woman's body is treated as a status symbol, and the body closest to the standard of beauty at that particular moment receives the most praise and good fortune.

Looking at all these reasons, it’s no wonder you’re feeling a sense of inadequacy about your body!

So what are the ways you can combat feeling unattractive and negatively judging your body?

How can I cultivate a positive body image?

Reframe your experience of social media. Remember, most of what you see on social media isn’t real. Filters and photoshop alike have meant that we are seeing a distorted view of reality, and only a snapshot of what people want us to see. And the thing is, even if people did have these so-called “perfect” lives, it’s important to know that this person you’re comparing yourself to is completely different to you, with a different set of challenges. While they may appear to have a more “perfect” body than you, there is not one person on the planet who does not feel insecure from time to time. It’s important to note that if you’re having a particularly insecure day, stay away from social media because you will go down the rabbit hole of comparison and inadequacy. Social media is practically asking you to do that! So resist the urge!

Get space and rest. We know this may seem like the hardest thing in the world when you have a baby, but we cannot stress enough the importance of putting your wellbeing to the forefront and taking the rest and space you need, where possible. Feeling rested will do wonders for your mental health and can prevent you from spiralling into insecure thoughts.

Eat a nutritious diet. Eating a nutritious diet doesn’t just help your body, it helps your mental and emotional state too. If you’re breastfeeding, it can be tempting to gorge on processed, sugary carbs to make up for the calorie deficit, but try to find replacements for these nutrient-poor foods and instead eat nutrient-dense, unprocessed whole foods.

Good sex. Although nothing dampens your libido more than low self-worth and a negative body image, the paradox is that nothing takes your mind off your body insecurities more than an enjoyable sex session! When you stay present and notice how good your body feels, sex can take your mind off cultural messages and negative thoughts. You can become free of these hindering ideas of “perfection” and enter into the glorious ecstasy of sex. Sex can be a wonderful opportunity to surrender and let go, which includes letting go of the negative narratives of your mind.

Channel your idea of what is beautiful and sexy. What is your idea of beauty? What does being a sexy woman mean to you? Think of a time not just when you looked beautiful and sexy but when you felt it. If you’re not sure you’ve ever felt beautiful and sexy then what does your imagination say? Asking yourself these questions helps you stay aligned with your perception of beauty and no one else's.

What would you say to a loved one who criticised their body? It’s so much easier to be kind to others than to ourselves, so imagine the snappy response you’d have if anyone criticised someone you love in the way you sometimes criticise yourself. And then try to show yourself the same kindness.

Flaunt your body. Give yourself permission to get that new hairdo, the sexy new dress that accentuates those curves, and even a pair of fabulous shoes to match. Now go outside and strut your stuff!

Move your body. Move your body in all the ways that feel good for you. You may want to have a dialogue with your body and ask what it needs and how it wants to move today. Walk, dance, ride your bike, swim, do anything that feels good. This is a good exercise in getting out of the mind and into the body.

Final thoughts:

We cannot stress enough the importance of tuning out harmful cultural messages and feeding the deeper part of you that knows how “enough” you are. That part of you that knows how incredibly worthy you are.

While a good relationship with your body may not come easily after childbirth, keep doing what you can to feed and nurture that relationship with your beautiful temple. Every day, ask yourself, what is your relationship with your body? And if it’s not so great, then how can you strengthen that relationship?

When a negative feeling or thought arises, it can be very tempting to escape from the emotion, whether the means of that escape is social media, Netflix, or alcohol. However, in order to allow for transformation, it’s imperative that you embrace the feeling rather than escape from it. This can be difficult at first, but just by observing and noticing a negative feeling or thought, you are creating the conditions for healing.

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