Postnatal anxiety and depression can affect even the most naturally joyful of women. For many women, anxiety and depression can come tumbling down within the first year or so, usually around the time that the initial high of the baby love haze has died down. Mix this with a shift in hormones, exhaustion and sleep deprivation and you’ve got a recipe for a pretty uncomfortable experience.

Almost 50% of mums with postnatal depression report loneliness to be the main trigger. According to a survey by the NCT (the UK’s leading charity for parents), it is not drugs or therapy that offer a cure, it’s simply having other mums to talk to. Meeting up with other mums who can relate to what you’re going through really is the medicine you need to get you through a challenging time.

Before we take a look at some ways to make empowering decisions when you have anxiety and depression, let's explore some of the things you may be feeling but that no one really talks about.

What are postnatal depression symptoms?

A loss of interest in everything.
No longer enjoying what used to give you pleasure.
Feeling exhausted all the time but not being able to sleep.
Struggling to concentrate and make decisions.
Feelings of guilt and helplessness.
Blaming yourself for everything.
Not feeling a bond with your baby.
Suicidal thoughts.

If your symptoms persist, then we recommend seeking professional support from therapists specially trained in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and reprocessing), which we’ll explain more about later.

First of all, we’d like to offer some solutions to help to soothe you through this challenging time.

How can I empower myself through postnatal anxiety and depression?

Acknowledge and share

If you had a difficult birth and have found the weeks following very challenging, it is so important that you give space to reflect on and acknowledge what you’ve been through. Ignore ‘by-passing’ comments such as “Well at least your baby is healthy” or “Birth is difficult for everyone” or any other comments that diminish your experience. Your experience is unique and deserves to be processed in your own unique way. It can help to share your experience by talking with trusted friends who will listen. There are also many mum groups that are great opportunities to share and be heard and understood by other women. Acknowledge what you’ve been through and get the right support you need.

Have compassion for yourself

It is often a lot easier to have compassion for our friends and what they have been through than for ourselves and our experiences. See if you can turn that level of compassion and kindness around to yourself. It’s common for women to blame themselves for a negative birth experience, especially if they feel regret about certain decisions or choices they made prior to or during the birth. Coming back to the understanding that everything has happened for a reason, even though you may not know what that reason is, can be soothing.

Be persistent with your needs

If you need something from your doctor or the healthcare system, don’t take no for an answer. If something feels off to you, trust that feeling and remember, you don’t have to tolerate what doesn’t feel right to you. Do not tolerate anything less than the best care you need because you deserve the best care and the best support. Keep checking in with yourself about what support you need and if you are unsure of what help you need, ask someone to help you get support.

Various types of professional support include:

Trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)

Especially if you’ve had a traumatic birth, CBT is recommended to help you come to terms with what you have experienced. You may be asked to go through the event in detail while the therapist helps you to manage uncomfortable emotions that come up. CBT also helps you to manage helpful thoughts and feelings, for example, any blame you have for something that isn’t your fault.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and reprocessing)

This technique may seem a bit “out there”, but EMDR is a comprehensive psychotherapy proven to help people process negative images, emotions, beliefs and body sensations associated with a traumatic event. Under the supervision of a trained therapist, you picture the scene that represents the traumatic event and as your brain witnesses the event, you do a series of eye movements or listen to sounds on headphones that move from one ear to another or tap either side of your body. The idea is that by exploring this traumatic experience, you can create new neural pathways which change how you respond to the event, thus helping you become “unstuck” from painful memories and dramatically altering the way you think and feel.

There are also other techniques such as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS) and other forms of psychotherapy and counselling that could support you. As always, remember to check in with what feels like the right path for you instead of listening to all the advice about what you should do. You know best!

Final thoughts:

If you are experiencing any of the above symptoms, sometimes the most empowering thing for you to do is reach out for support. There are people out there that know how to help and want to help.

Take care of yourself – eat well, get outside and do some light exercise if you’re able, get as much sleep as you possibly can, establish healthy routines and confide in people who you trust and who can truly empathise with you.

How do I make empowering decisions when I have postnatal anxiety and depression?

This is not the time to be hard on yourself about mistakes, says Unii.