How to I stop my child from throwing things? Is throwing a normal way for children to express emotions? If you’re raising a preschooler, you’re probably used to a house full of all sorts of noises. Full of cracks, bangs and crashes as things are broken both unintentionally and sometimes, intentionally. When they’re still toddlers, it is common for little ones to throw whatever happens to be in their tiny hands, whether that’s a toy, a crayon, or even a chunk of broccoli. And at this age, they likely won’t have the strength to throw anything hard enough for it to do any real damage, nor would they entirely understand that throwing might be dangerous. But as they approach preschool age, throwing a hard or sharp object could do someone serious harm, especially when they’re in a classroom or play area full of other children and lots of fun, throwable objects.

It’s important to recognise that throwing isn’t necessarily bad behaviour. For instance, throwing balls and beanbags to one another makes for a fun game. However, throwing things at others or throwing items that weren’t made to be thrown, such as scissors, are both behaviours that we, as parents, hope to prevent.

To do so, it’s important to first understand why our kids throw objects.

Why do children throw things?

When children throw items, more often than not, it’s to relieve anger or frustration. This behaviour is especially common in preschoolers who have trouble verbally expressing their feelings. Their anger manifests in a physical expression because they struggle to express it verbally.

When a child throws something, our reaction is often a fast and emotional one. Perhaps they’ve thrown something we hold near and dear or something that will hurt if it hits you, another family member or a friend. We scold and lecture them and get upset, and each time it happens, our kids learn that throwing gets a big reaction out of adults. The problem is, they may begin to throw so as to get your attention, and what’s more, lecturing them will only confuse them and won’t teach them how to effectively manage their anger.

So, how do we stop our kids from throwing objects?

How do we stop our kids from throwing objects?

To begin with, there are a couple of simple steps that you can try that might eliminate the problem.

If your child is throwing one particular item, a bright yellow toy truck perhaps, remove the truck for a few weeks. After a while introduce a plush toy truck instead that won’t do any harm when thrown. As a few more weeks pass, reintroduce the original truck and if they’ve overcome the desire to throw it, let them keep it. It could also be that the child simply needs to channel their desire to throw into something more constructive. You might remember that throwing games were some of the best games you played as a child! Take them to the park and get them playing with a light sponge ball or beanbag and spend some quality time together.

If neither of these methods proves effective, try the following three preventative steps:

Prevent. If your child is a thrower, you’ve probably learnt to predict when they will do it. Perhaps they ball up their fists or begin to yell. Whatever it may be, if you have recognised that they are about to throw something, go to them and place yourself in front of them. If they’re attempting to throw something at someone else, place yourself between them. Crouch down to their level and gently place your hands on their arms, limiting their freedom to throw. As you feel them begin to relax, release your hands or even turn the gesture into a hug.

All of your child’s actions stem from a root cause. Perhaps they’re throwing objects because they feel that they aren’t being listened to, or because they’re having trouble at school. Try to think about what it is that often leads to their throwing. Once you have identified what the underlying reason for their actions may be, you can work towards changing and resolving this.

Alternative response. Now that their anger has subsided a little, you can go about teaching them alternative responses to throwing. First of all, ask them what the problem is. They may need your help to verbalise what has happened, so try as best you can to define the problem for them.

‘You’re upset because your brother, William, is playing with the train set’.

It’s important that they state the problem in their own words, too. Then say something along the lines of, ‘Hmm, I wonder what we could do about it?’

Allow them to come up with a suggestion and praise them if the suggestion is a helpful one, or ask ‘what else could we try?’ if not. If they’re struggling to come up with a solution on their own, offer one of your own.

‘We could ask William if you could play together and build an exciting, new train track.’

Next, try role-playing with the child.

‘Let’s pretend I’m William, and you want to play with the train set too. What will you say to me?’

Help them phrase a suggestion and then respond as if you were William, agreeing to share the truck. Finally, be sure to praise them when the role-play is complete and involve them in another activity.

Steer the conversation. This process might take some time but eventually, they will come up with alternatives to throwing, all on their own. It’s really important that your child recognises that the alternatives really do work, so be on hand to steer the conversation and encourage friendly solutions or apologies if necessary. And again, make sure you offer them plenty of positive attention through praise.

Eventually, they’ll stop throwing and you will need to intervene less and less, but keep up the praise and make it very clear how happy they’ve made you when they demonstrate appropriate behaviours.

Time-out

If your child did throw something and you found yourself unable to intervene, you can make use of the time-out method. Take them to a quiet area, free of distraction, and calmly let them know why they need to be in time-out. Keep it short and sweet and don’t lecture them. Refrain from talking to or looking at them, and pick up the object, putting it back in its place. When a few minutes have passed, bring them out of time-out.

How do I prevent my child from throwing objects?