When you become a mother, it can feel like everything you used to love doing gets yanked away from underneath you. Exercising, socialising with friends, watching movies, everything that once gave you a sense of freedom gets hijacked by this tiny little being.

This is what the biggest issue is for a lot of mums - the physical inability to do the things that they enjoy the most. Even though you may love your baby immensely, when your life becomes all about dirty nappies, leaky boobs, endless chores and sleep deprivation, it’s no wonder the question “Who am I?” circles through your mind on a regular basis.

But it’s not so much the mothering that many women find challenging, it’s the not feeling like themselves. This is why the struggle in early motherhood has more to do with your unrecognisable sense of self than it is to do with anything else.

Before we explore ways that you can find yourself again post-motherhood, let’s take a look at why so many mothers feel like they are losing their identity.

Why do mums lose their identity?

There are relentless pressures on mothers. There is literally this tiny little human that depends solely on you for their survival.

Because everything becomes about the baby, it’s easy to stop caring about how you look and have the time to see your friends. And all decisions you make are based on what’s best for the baby and nothing else. So because you’re entirely responsible for this little person, it’s very normal to feel like you’ve lost the freedom you once had. And let’s not forget about the lack of sleep and alone time, which both play huge roles in your feeling off-centre.

There is probably not a mother in the world that would not relate on some level to losing who they once were. So when you’re feeling the almost inevitable feeling of loneliness, remember that all mothers go through this.

With all these significant shifts into motherhood, it’s no wonder that many women feel like they have lost their identity.

Let’s take a look at some ways you can feel like yourself again.

How do I shift from losing myself to finding myself again?

Know that this phase is temporary. Becoming a mother can zap away your self-confidence and leave you feeling so totally raw and exposed you feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. But this phase is temporary. As potties replace dirty nappies, beakers of juice replace boobs, and broken sleep becomes the exception rather than the norm, life begins to feel a lot more doable and, dare we say it – more enjoyable! Keep reminding yourself that this phase will not last forever and you will adapt and adjust and find the new you waiting to emerge.

Contemplate the ways your baby has changed you (in a positive way!). There is no doubt that having a baby completely changes you, but it doesn’t have to be a negative thing. Think of ways that your baby has changed you for the better. Maybe you’ve become a lot more patient and organised, or more understanding and selfless. Or maybe there’s an inner strength and confidence that you've developed that you didn’t really have before. Being as present as possible with your baby instead of wishing that things could be different will help you feel a greater sense of ease.

Connect with friends. Spend time with people that you know and trust. Even though it gets so busy being a mother that you barely have time to pee, try and organise regular friends' dates even if it’s just for a half-hour coffee. It is very common for motherhood to take new mums away from their much-needed connection with people they care about. So make time for these people.

Do something that makes you feel empowered. Sometimes the best medicine for rediscovering your identity is to do something you loved to do before you had a baby. Was it going for a walk with your headphones on? Sitting by a lake and writing in your journal? Going for a jog or exercise class? Whatever used to nourish your soul, carve out time and do it.

Be patient. Rediscovering yourself after you become a mother takes time. And becoming who you are is an ever-changing lifelong process. That woman that you believed yourself to be with ambitions and goals and passions and a thriving social life – she is still there. She’s just taking a back seat for a while. When the toughest part of motherhood is over, a new sense of joy and confidence emerges; a new level of resilience that shows you: you’ve got this! You can do this! You can do the hardest job in the world! Be patient and know that this experience is ultimately helping you grow into an even more magnificent woman than you were before.

Final thoughts:

Remember, the more effort something requires, the bigger the payoff. If you’ve ever run a marathon, you’ll know the feeling you get after you’ve finished; the sense of pride you feel in yourself and how it was worth the hard work. Motherhood is no different. The challenges you’re experiencing are leading to incredible rewards.

How do I rediscover my sense of self as a mother?