With the birth of your precious little bundle, self-doubt is also born! No matter how many books you read and how many other mums you talk to, nothing prepares you for the rollercoaster ride of having a baby. So it’s only natural that mothers go through phases of self-doubt.

Most of the time, the biggest block to our own happiness and success lies within the confines of our own minds. It’s our thought patterns and beliefs that lead us to self-sabotage what’s good and healthy for us and prevent us from living the wonderful lives we truly deserve.

The antidote to self-doubt is self-love; aka believing in yourself! In working towards self-love, it’s super important that we look at the unhelpful thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself and create new narratives that actually serve you.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

Before we explore how to move from doubting to believing, let’s take a look at how self-doubt limits your life. Look at these below statements and see which ones are true for you.

Do I doubt myself?

I don’t like trying something new unless I’m good at it.

I’m afraid of getting things wrong and making mistakes.

I often have the thought that I’m not good enough.

I don’t like being out of my comfort zone.

I believe that other people don’t or will not like me.

I obsess about conversations where I said the “Wrong” thing.

I worry about what people think about me.

I feel like a failure a lot of the time.

I often have catastrophic thoughts that begin with “What if”.

If you can relate to any of these statements, then we want to congratulate you. Why? Because your awareness is key to releasing self-doubt! And remember, you’re not alone; most, if not all mums go through self-doubt at some point in their lives.

And the good thing about self-doubt is that it’s not permanent, or at least it doesn’t need to be. With practice, your thoughts about yourself can change. And when your thoughts change, so does the amount of joy you experience.

So how do you go from doubting to believing? Let’s take a look!

Ways to release self-doubt

Be curious and playful with these exercises. Changing our thought patterns doesn’t have to be heavy, but it does take work and it does take regular practice, so let’s look at some exercises you can implement into your daily life to shift from self-doubt to self-love.

Identify the belief. Think about something that brings up feelings of self-doubt. Perhaps it’s starting back at your job after maternity leave, what others think about how you look, or the choices you’re generally making as a mother. What is the thought underneath the doubt? What are you believing about yourself? Say it out loud or write it down. Now ask yourself whether that belief is helpful to your self-love journey? If not, then “try on” a new thought that feels a bit more helpful.

“Try on” a new thought. Maybe the belief underneath the doubt is “nobody likes me,” or “I am not skilled enough to do this job,” or “I suck at motherhood.” It can be hard to go from extreme doubting thoughts to thoughts of self-love, so “try on” a slightly more helpful thought. And you’ll know if you believe the new thought or not by how you feel. If you feel better, the new thought is helping, if you feel worse or just as bad, try another thought. So “try on” a thought that feels slightly better. Eg. “I have a best friend who thinks I’m awesome,” or “I know I’m good at making my baby smile,” or “I am always learning.”

Imagine a time when you believed in yourself. Think of a time when you felt confident and secure. It may have been a long time ago but give yourself some time to think about when that was. You may want to close your eyes and picture it. How did you feel? How did the feeling of security and confidence feel in your body? How did you present yourself to the outside world? Try not to compare this feeling with where you are now and feel bad about it. Stay open to this self-exploration.
Turn around your “What If” statements. When we’re in self-doubt, it’s easy for “what if” thoughts to pollute the mind. What if people don’t like me? What if I get fired? What if I look stupid? What if I fail? How about we switch these statements around to mean the opposite? For example; what if people do like me? What if I’m skilled at this job? What if I succeed? You can write them down or say them out loud; and even answer the questions to the “what if” statements related to failure and the “what if” statements related to succeeding and see what comes up.
Practice body language. Picture how a woman who believes in herself presents herself. How does she walk, talk, eat, sit, and move? Imagine yourself embodying this woman. How does your body language change? Even if you are feeling insecure and full of doubt right now, transform your body language to one of confidence and security and see how different you feel. Remember, it takes time to shift from doubting to believing, so if you can set intentions throughout the day to become aware of your body language as you go about your day, you will see huge shifts in how you feel.

Reflect on your proudest moments. It’s easy to forget how far we’ve come and what we’ve achieved. Especially when we are in a negative headspace, we just see what we haven’t done and where we’ve failed. This exercise reminds you that you have achieved incredible things. Becoming a mother is one of them! So think about five things – write them down if you wish – where you have overcome something challenging and accomplished something amazing. Reflect on where you were one, five or even ten years ago. How have you grown since then? What have you accomplished since then?

Self-doubt busting questions. Think about a situation that brings up self-doubt. Now answer these questions to help bust your self-doubting thought:

What would I tell a friend who had the same unhelpful belief?

If I loved myself and were being kind to myself, what would I believe about this?

What evidence is there that this thought is true?

What evidence is there that this thought is untrue?

What would a friend tell me?

The “it’s okay” game. Think about all the feelings you have about situations that feel a little uncomfortable. Now write down or say out loud “It’s okay” before each statement. For example “it’s okay to make a mistake”, “it’s okay if people don’t like me”, “it’s okay if I change my mind”, “it’s okay to feel doubt,” “it’s okay that I’m still learning.” Keep saying to yourself “it’s okay”. You’re okay! Wherever you are is okay!

Reframe your thoughts. Reframing thoughts is a great way of looking at a situation slightly differently, with a more positive spin. For example, the thought “motherhood is too hard” could be reframed as “I am doing the best I can and continue to learn, even when it’s hard.” Another thought may be, ‘I’m not good enough”, which could be reframed as “I am where I am and know I am always learning and growing.” Now try reframing some of your negative thoughts.

Which situation or person shaped your critical voice? Remember, negative beliefs are learned. And if they are learned, they can also be unlearned. In the process of unlearning, it can be helpful to know where and how these negative beliefs came about. Reflect on moments where these beliefs came about. Maybe you were left out of a game in the school playground, or you were punished for not getting good enough grades; whatever it is, realise that this moment had an impact on what you believe about yourself. After thinking about the situation or person that shaped this belief, reflect on what message this situation was giving you about yourself. If you could give yourself a more helpful message, what would it be?

Write a love letter to yourself. This is the best part! Write a love letter to yourself expressing all the things you appreciate about yourself. You might want to include the compliments other people have given you. We encourage you to write the gushiest, soppiest love letter as if you were the love of your life. Now keep this letter somewhere you can see it and re-read it on the days when your self-doubt levels are high.

Final thoughts

Your self-love journey will be a rollercoaster ride. Some days you’ll feel on top of the world and other days you’ll be down in the dumps. But that’s what life is all about! The important thing is that you know how to pick yourself back up when you fall down.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable and have the not-so-good days and congratulate yourself for doing the work to unlearn these unhelpful messages. You rock!

How do I release self-doubt?

Become more self-assured with Unii's tips.