As parents, it can often feel like our kids are in constant need of our undivided attention, from the minute they wake up to the minute they go to sleep. When they’re at home, it can be very difficult to get a moment’s peace. And to some extent, yes, with young children around we do need to be on alert mode.

But, as infants become toddlers and toddlers become preschoolers, our kids become more independent. They can happily sit on the living room carpet and complete a puzzle on their own or pop to the bathroom to use the potty, while we read a book on the sofa. If we’re nearby, with ears or eyes open, our kids can often get on with a task all by themselves and we can go about cooking dinner or relaxing with a favourite TV show on.

However, while many kids enjoy time to themselves, some crave constant attention and begin to stick to their caregiver like a second shadow, making it very difficult to get things done or have a quiet moment to yourself (something we all need). They do everything they can to get our attention, and eventually, we feel we must give in. But while our kids do need attention like a plant needs water and sunlight, it doesn’t need to be constant, or else they’ll develop disagreeable attention-seeking habits. And every time we cave, we teach them that attention-seeking by any means is an effective way to get what they want.

So, how do we stop our child’s attention-seeking behaviour?

How do we prevent attention-seeking behaviours in our kids?

Before going about attempting the following steps, talk to fellow parents and preschool teachers to determine whether your little one really is asking for too much attention or whether you might need to be involved a little more. We all have hectic lives and it’s very difficult to juggle everything with only two hands.

Additionally, think about implementing the following steps.

Ignore unnecessary bids for attention

When your child approaches you, seeking your attention, first determine whether their request is reasonable and appropriate. Let’s imagine they say they need to use the bathroom to urinate, something you know they can do perfectly well on their own, and they want you to come with them for no other reason than to have your complete attention. In this instance, tell them “I’m sorry, but I’m a bit busy right now. But I think it would be great if you could go on your own.”

Handle any other instances that you believe to be unnecessary bids for attention in this way - in a calm manner. If however, their request is reasonable and appropriate, help them to go about completing it.

Catch them being good

Let them know how pleased you are when they’re engaging in an activity all on their own, or asking for help where necessary - we don’t want to discourage them from asking for your help if they need it.

“I really like to see you working so hard on your drawing!”

“I would be very happy to help you zip up your coat.”

Time-out

If the behaviours they exhibit to get your attention are harmful to you or others, including kicking or name-calling, calmly take your child to a quiet corner for a time-out and explain that they can not be allowed to hurt others. Do your best to ignore them during their time-out and once they’re done, refrain from lecturing or scolding as this will only encourage unwanted behaviour.

Repeat

If you repeat these steps and do so consistently, your child will develop healthier habits and patterns when it comes to getting and requiring the attention of adults.

How do I solve attention-seeking behaviour in my preschooler?

Paying attention sometimes is no bad thing. Here’s how to pace it.