We love when our kids break into a smile or fall into a fit of giggles, showing off their lovely white teeth, those little teeth that are so essential for chewing and tearing at foods that our kids need to stay healthy and happy. When they smile sweetly up at us, we don’t imagine that we could be on the wrong side of those teeth, but sometimes, children do bite, and even though their teeth are only little, it sure can hurt.

Biting objects is a natural behaviour for very young children, a phase many go through that usually disappears with time. But when it comes to your preschooler biting others, it cannot be allowed because it can be dangerous.

If you’re looking to prevent your child from biting you, a sibling, or even a friend, it helps to first develop a good understanding of why they resort to this particular behaviour.

So why do kids bite?

It’s important to remember that preschoolers are still rather socially unsophisticated. They haven’t yet learnt to tune into the feelings and thoughts of their family members and peers. As a consequence, they won’t yet have the social awareness to control a behaviour, such as biting, when it’s directed at others.

Furthermore, although their first set of teeth will likely have come in before the age of three, some younger preschoolers could still be experiencing teething and may be trying to relieve discomfort in some way. It’s important, therefore, to recognise that a child might not be biting with any malicious intent.

Small children will sometimes also bite out of frustration, whether it’s frustration at not being able to express their feelings and wants at this young age or simply because they’ve been told no.

So, now that we’ve discussed why children bite, let’s take a look at how you can stop your child from biting.

How do I stop my child from biting others?

Based on a child’s biting patterns, you may discover that they aren’t doing it to hurt or harm anyone, so our natural reaction to scold and lecture will only confuse them. When adults get angry at children for behaviours that they can’t control, it can really harm their self-esteem. And even if their biting others is somewhat malicious, every time you lecture a child who bites, they learn that this behaviour is an effective way to get your attention.

Instead, there are several steps you can take that will prove much more effective:

Environment

Children of this age group need activities that engage all the senses, from touch and smell, to sound and taste. If their environment doesn’t allow for plenty of sensory engagement, where they can bite and mould, tear, stick, bend and break to their heart’s content, they might resort to doing so to people or objects that aren’t safe. With this in mind, it could be as simple as introducing them to objects they can hygienically bite and taste to prevent the impulse to bite others.

Prevent

If you’ve observed when your little one bites, you’ll soon recognise when they’re likely to do it again. For example, if your little one bites you when they are waiting for something, they bite because they are bored. So when the occasion arises, try to keep them distracted with a fun little game of ‘I spy’ or engage them in conversation. If they bite when they are hungry, consider giving them bigger snacks between meals or serving meals a little earlier. It’s also important to consider your language when it comes to preventing unwanted behaviours. Children think in images, so when they hear, ‘don’t bite’, they imagine biting and inevitably do so. Try replacing ‘don’ts’ with ‘do’s’ and vocalising the behaviour you would like to see.

Praise and reinforce positive behaviours

Preschoolers have a lot to learn when it comes to positive social behaviour, and this includes learning that biting is not an acceptable form of communication. But when you praise appropriate social behaviours, your little one is much more likely to keep them up. For example, when your little one shares their very favourite Barbie doll with their friend instead of biting to get it back, replace the negative attention they would have received for biting with positive attention, showing them how pleased you are!

Our response

Ideally, your little one will stop biting with the previous preventative measures alone, but if they do continue to bite, you might try the following three steps:

When they bite someone, let them know that ‘It hurts when you bite. Look, now your sister is crying.’

Whether they’ve bitten a sibling, a friend, or even you, make a point of going and washing the bite and applying a plaster if necessary. And have your child watch.

Then encourage them to help. This could be getting a plaster, or even patting their friend or sibling on the back. These actions provide a good model for positive social behaviour and empathy, teaching your child about being sorry, rather than simply saying it for the sake of it.

Of course, this exact response isn’t always achievable, but trying to replicate something similar can still work wonders.

How do I stop my child from biting?

Unii shares how to cope with this unpleasant behaviour.