How do I support my child with their pooping problems?

You walk into your 4-year-old’s bedroom to see a handprint of poo smeared across the wall. Understandably, you start to feel yourself get angry or even confused that your little one has been playing with their own poop for a while. You wonder - What can I do to help my child with their pooping problems?

First, we’d like to reassure you that your child’s fascination with their own poo can be a very normal stage of a child’s development and something they will usually grow out of. Nevertheless, if your child is experiencing any of the following poo issues, we’d like to offer you some reasons why they may be experiencing them, as well as ways to support them.

Let’s take a look at some poo issues your child might be experiencing.

What poo issues look like:

Your child wipes poo all over the walls and furniture.

Your child plays with their poo.

Your child holds in their poo and becomes constipated.

Your child doesn’t wipe themselves properly after going to the toilet.

Your child hides their poo.

Your child poos in their bed or in different areas of the house.

Your child poos themselves but is unaware they have.

Your child poos themselves but doesn’t seem to care.

Now let’s take a look at why your child might be experiencing poo issues.

Why might your child be experiencing poo issues?

They need to feel in control. If a child feels like they don’t have control, holding in their poo is one way they can regain a sense of control. This is because one of the things a child does have control over is their bodily functions.

They feel shame. If a child feels shame around their bodily functions, which may depend on how they were treated when they were being potty-trained, this may lead children to hide poo in bizarre places.

They may have sensory issues and therefore be unaware of their usual impulses.

They may have a fear of loss, especially in relation to holding in their poo. Sometimes they hold onto their poo because they worry another child will play with their toys while they’re going to the toilet.

They don’t want to stop what they’re doing. A child may suppress a poo to continue what they’re doing. This then leads to pooing themselves.

They may be at a younger developmental stage than what is usual at their age.

They may be afraid. Pooing themselves may be a fear response to being frightened. They may be frightened to ask to go to the toilet, or even frightened of the toilet.

They may have a problem trusting others. If they do not trust people then they will not be able to let go and relax enough to poo.

They may lack cause-and-effect thinking, meaning that when they hide the poo, they don’t expect that it will be found!

They fear that they will be forgotten, so they try to get a response from their parents.

They may have separation anxiety.

They may have a fear of drawing attention to themselves, so they avoid asking to go to the toilet.

Let’s now take a look at some preventative and minimising strategies for your child’s pooping issues so you can feel reassured that your child is getting the best support.

How to support your child with their pooping problems?

Here are our top strategies for supporting your child with their pooping problems:

Speak to a health professional who specialises in bowel issues. Your child may need to be tested for issues related to constipation or diarrhoea. However, when the underlying issues are trauma-based, there is no straightforward medical explanation.

At preschool age, it could mean that you need to start potty training again. This can be really helpful for teaching children to understand their body signals. Approach potty training no differently to how you would for a toddler.

If your child is holding on to their poo because they don’t want to stop what they’re doing, make it clear that this is what they’re doing because it may mean that they’re not interpreting their body signals properly. You could say, “I’ve noticed that when you are playing with your superhero figurines and don’t want to stop, you hold your breath for a while and then shudder. This may be why your tummy starts to hurt. To help you, I will make sure I keep your toys safe for you so no one else can play with them while you go to the toilet. Then your tummy won’t hurt and your toys will be safe.”

If your child is using their poo as a toy, consider creating a poo-like substance that they can play with instead. This helps reduce the shame your child may be experiencing. Don’t worry, this does not increase your child’s tendency to play with their actual poo. On the contrary! This actually decreases their tendency and over time, your child gradually replaces it with something else. Consider using chocolate powder, butter and flour or brown playdough for your poo-like substance.

Try to establish a routine around toilet time. Have a chat with your child and find a good time to encourage them to go to the toilet. Don’t ask your child if they need to go as they probably won’t know. Simply announce “toilet time!” and accompany them to the toilet.

Make a game out of ‘toilet time’. Children can sometimes not fully empty their bowels because they want to rush back for something, or are afraid they might miss out. Consider rewarding them with a treat just after they’ve emptied their bowels depending on the amount of poo they’ve done. The more they are able to release their bowels, the better the treat.

Consider switching your child to a gluten-free diet. This has been known to help children who have uncontrollable stools.

Similarly, sometimes children who are allergic to milk protein have also been known to experience diarrhoea.

How do I support my child with their pooping problems?

Help your toddler through troubling times with Unii's tips.