You’ve tried everything to reason with your toddler, but it’s just not working. Your little one just isn’t listening to a thing you’re saying. Maybe it’s something to do with the way you’re communicating with them? Should you change the way you talk to your toddler to get them to listen to you?

Why should we be aware of our communication style?

An important thing to remember when communicating with your little one is that they are not equipped with the reasoning tools and self-awareness to properly understand what you’re saying. As adults, we’re used to communicating with each other in certain ways to get our point across, but with a toddler, it simply doesn’t work like that.

So, if you’re having trouble getting your toddler to listen, let’s have a look at some ways changing our communication can help them listen.

How should I talk to my toddler?

Here are our top 7 tips for changing up your communication with your little one:

Instead of telling your toddler what not to do, you can start telling them what they can do instead. For example, instead of saying “no running inside” we can say “walk inside,” which is what we’d like to encourage them to do. If you tell your little one to “Stop yelling!” it’s likely you’ll be raising your voice. All this will do is result in your toddler mirroring you and shouting back. Instead, we could whisper “let’s use our quiet voices.” Lead by example, and tell them what they can do.

You should control your tone of voice when communicating with your toddler. A whiny, shouting or harsh tone can warp the best of intentions and shows your child that you do not value or respect their feelings. If you catch yourself sharply changing your tone when talking to your toddler, catch yourself and bring it back down to a calm, neutral tone. Your toddler will start to listen to you more.

To create a stronger sense of trust and respect, we can ask them for help, and get them involved in your day-to-day activities. This really helps if you want them to do something without causing World War 3! So, if you want them to come inside, ask them to carry your keys or a light bag. At the supermarket, you can make a visual shopping list with them. Then let them pick those items off the shelf, or put them on the counter when paying.

If you find yourself saying “no” hundreds of times a day, your child will eventually start ignoring it altogether, so it’s best to reserve “no” for times when safety is a concern. This doesn’t mean that you must let them have total control. Rather, it’s about framing the conversation in a way that is positive. For example, if they want a biscuit, you can say “Yes, after you’ve finished this one” or, “Yes, when we get to the shops. We’ve run out right now.”

It helps to keep things upbeat and light-hearted, especially with children. You don’t need to be a master comedian, but injecting humour goes a long way to get children listening to you. For example, if your child is resisting getting dressed, put their shoe on your foot. Your child will laugh and say “no, it goes on my foot” and will put it on. This is also good to remember if you’re getting stressed and will calm you down.

Most toddlers go through a “no” phase at some point in their development. Consider changing your language and simply tell them what is happening, rather than asking them. This can still be done respectfully but shows that you’re the leader.

It helps to show your toddler what to do, rather than just repeating yourself. If they don’t know what to do with leftover food, you might need to physically go over to the bin and point to it, saying “we put leftover food in here.” This helps your child mentally connect your words to your actions.

How do I talk so that my toddler will listen?

Communicating effectively with toddlers can be challenging, but there are strategies you can use to encourage them to listen and engage.