The concept of lying can get a little complicated. As adults, from time to time we can all admit that we have overexaggerated the truth of a story for the entertainment of our friends, or said we were pleased with that new pair of bright yellow trainers our partner bought us when we weren’t. These are common behaviours that most people won’t think twice about, and certainly won’t tend to perceive as full-faced ‘lying’. Some would even argue that they ‘lie’ to save others' feelings from getting hurt. But if we’re on the topic of how to bring up our little preschoolers, then it’s good to discuss how to teach them about lying.

But before delving into how we as adults should respond to our kids on the topic of lying, we have to first understand why some children may lie, and what’s behind the behaviour:

Why might children lie?

You may find it slightly shocking when you realise that your child has told you a lie for the first time. It’s understandable to want to put them right straight away, and we know you want to do the right thing.

But before you react in a certain way, let’s think about the many potential reasons behind this behaviour, and try to relate to how your little one may be feeling underneath:

Gaining attention:

Children thrive off attention from adults, especially at the preschool age. So as they grow, they may realise telling lies can result in them gaining significant interest from an adult that will in turn provoke attention.

Mimicking others:

Young kids are very good mimics. Some may find that if they say that they have done something or that they own something because they have heard this from another child, they may receive a positive reaction. This in turn will cause them to keep repeating the behaviour as another way of getting attention.

To avoid a reprimand:

If a child believes that they’re going to get in trouble, then they may lie to avoid consequences. This may happen as an impulsive instinct, without them really thinking about the fact that it might be easy for the adult to recognise that they aren’t telling the truth.

To avoid doing something:

It’s not uncommon for little kids to lie to avoid doing something. Perhaps they’re asked to tidy up or do a chore, and instead they claim that they need the toilet or that they’re not feeling very well!

So now that we better understand why children might lie, let’s look at the ways in which you can respond.

How do I respond to my child lying?

Now that you understand the reasons behind children lying a bit better, you can decide how you should respond. Whatever way you decide to respond, above all remember to remain calm, as becoming irritated won’t be helpful.

Distraction:

Children at preschool age can get distracted easily. Although this isn’t ideal when it comes to concentrating on their homework, it can be useful in some scenarios. If you believe your child is saying something to get your attention or admiration, then try to move the conversation on and therefore take the attention away from them.

Moving things on:

Reframing the conversation is another good tactic if you believe your child is denying something to avoid a reprimand or coming up with a fake story. For example, you could say something like “it doesn’t matter now. Instead, we need to think about how to put things right and stop this from happening again.”

Clarifying:

Clarifying a situation can be useful if you suspect that your child is lying to avoid doing something. For example, if they are claiming they need to go to the toilet when you ask them to help tidy up, you could say something like ‘I think that you want to go to the toilet so that you don’t have to tidy up. You can go to the toilet, but you will still need to help me tidy up.’ However, also take into consideration that children often lie due to an underlying feeling of nervousness or anxiety, so be sure to be gentle.

Top tip: Children often learn behaviour from their parents. If they catch you making an offhand lie, they may begin to think that it's okay to lie. So try to practice honesty when with your child at all times, even if it requires more effort at times.

How do I talk to my child about lying?

Honesty sometimes requires a little discipline from mum and dad.