When your little one was a baby, they might have easily handed things over to you with no problem. But now that they’re a toddler, you find them saying “no” all the time and resisting when you ask them to share. Has something gone wrong? Is this expected behaviour when they enter the “terrible twos?” What can you do to teach your toddler how to share?

Don’t worry! Whilst this behaviour seems bad, it is natural, and most toddlers go through this phase. What we as parents can do is adapt and accept this behaviour, whilst adjusting our communication to help them through this challenging phase.

So, let’s look at why toddlers start suddenly saying “no” hundreds of times a day.

Why is my toddler finding it so hard to share?

As babies develop into toddlers, they start creating a sense of “I,” and a new awareness about themselves. They also want to develop their skills and keep wanting to practise different activities. It's common to see toddlers hold their toys close to them, shouting “no!” at innocent toddlers walking by.

Before 2.5 years, toddlers are usually interested in parallel play – playing alongside other children rather than with them. So, let’s start by adjusting our expectations that a toddler will be able to share their toys.

So, what can I do to help my child adjust to sharing?

Here are the top 7 strategies to help your child understand sharing:

A safe way to start is to show them how to share by taking turns. If you have multiple children, make sure there are multiple activities for each of them to play with. A toddler won’t understand time limits, so will likely be resistant if you simply say that their 5 minutes is up. Instead, allow a child to work with their activity for as long as they like. Other children must wait their turn, a useful skill to learn.

See if they’re happy to let another child watch, or even join in the activity. Toddlers are easy to read, so watch their body language. It also helps to allow them to try to solve low-level disputes on their own.

Teach them to use words if someone wants to use their toy or activity such as, “My turn. You can try soon.” They can put their hands on their hips for emphasis.

If a toddler seems like they’re having trouble waiting, reassure them that it will be their turn soon.

If your little one tries to get physical, it’s okay to place a gentle hand on them, or put your body between the two children. Say, “I can’t let you push them. Are you telling them you were playing with that?”

After 2.5 years, they may be interested in playing with other children. This is when you teach them that it’s okay if other children want to play by themselves. For example, “It looks like Ben wants to play by himself for now. Let's come back later, and you can have a turn then.”

This can be difficult in public spaces where parents have other rules. If someone is waiting for your little one on the swing in a playground, you can reassure the other child with, “you can have a turn when my child is finished.” This shows the child and parents that you know their child will be next soon. To your child, say, “Another child would like a turn soon. Let’s count to 10 and then give them a turn.” We are modelling grace and courtesy to others, something that will surely influence your child positively.

How do I teach my toddler to share?

Teaching toddlers to share can be challenging, but it's an essential skill for their social development.