Misbehaving is simply a part of childhood, a rite of passage, if you will. And given that children are constantly learning and adapting, it’s only natural that they make mistakes—mistakes that we often interpret as unwanted behaviours. But children can sometimes overstep the bounds of what’s acceptable and exhibit unhelpful, even hurtful, behaviours that we’d ideally like to put a stop to.

So how do we go about preventing these unwanted behaviours?

The 4-step guide to preventing unwanted behaviours:

Focus on the positives

This is something that cannot be stressed enough! If we want to eliminate a behaviour in a child, it is much more effective to focus on developing the positive behavior you want to see instead. For example, rather than the all too familiar 'stop being mean’ go with, ‘let’s try to be nice’.

When children are constantly reminded what not to do, they place all of their attention on that behaviour and inevitably keep on doing it. And what’s more, preschoolers think in pictures, so when they hear ‘don’t run’, they immediately imagine running. Instead, replace ‘don’ts’ with ‘do’s’ and comment frequently on positive behaviours.

Praise often

When your child behaves well, be sure to praise them, but keep it specific, sincere, and don’t compare them to others, as this encourages jealousy. Perhaps you could comment on their remembering to hold your hand as you cross the road, or for brushing their teeth for a whole two minutes! If they associate good behaviour with praise they're much more likely to keep it up.

Keep sticker charts

To be competitive with oneself is not a bad thing. While it doesn't work for everyone, many of us thrive when we set ourselves goals and strive to keep beating them. And this can also be true of preschoolers! Sticker charts prove very effective at both inspiring good behaviour and discouraging unwanted behaviours.

Set daily or weekly tasks that focus on the positive behaviours you wish to encourage, such as ‘eating well at the table’, and provide fun stickers when these behaviours are met. But stick to one or two behaviours at a time so as not to overwhelm your little one.

How to say sorry

Oftentimes, when we ask a preschooler to say sorry for upsetting somebody, they do it but fail to attach much meaning or sentiment to the apology, and before we know it they’re repeating said hurtful behaviour.

If instead, we ask them how they could make the individual they have hurt feel better, they are forced to really think about what they have done and apply some effort to the problem. Maybe they could make them a card, draw a funny picture, or simply offer a hug. Whatever they choose, they’re less likely to repeat the behaviour and more likely to think of others in the future.

How do we prevent unwanted behaviours?