You’re sitting at the kitchen table, trying to stay calm. Your fists are clenched, your gaze is pointed towards the floor, and your breathing is heavy.

Standing in the doorway is your seven-year-old daughter, who has been repeatedly screaming at you for the last ten minutes. She wants to be taken to the playground, even though you’ve told her that you’re only taking her to the playground once she has finished her maths homework.

You’ve told her once, you’ve told her twice, and even three times. Yet every time you try to hold your ground and repeat yourself, the protests and the screaming seem to get louder and even more intense.

Inside of you, an uncomfortable feeling is brewing. You know this feeling all too well, but you’re aware that if you let it get a hold of you, you’ll really regret it.

Why is it important to manage your anger when you’re a parent?

Anger is one of the most powerful emotions a human can experience. When a child is very young, they also experience anger. The difference is they haven’t yet learned to control it.

Since anger is such a primal instinct, it takes a lot of practice to control. And when you have a child, the way in which you manage your anger can significantly affect how you parent them. In fact, a parent’s anger can be so powerful, that if it is projected onto their child, the child will absorb this emotion and replicate it in their own life.

The bottom line is that if you’re not responsible with your own anger, your anger will become your child’s anger.

In addition to this, your anger will significantly affect your ability to discipline your child wisely. Sometimes these feelings are so strong that they will block your ability to evaluate how you should handle a situation.

We know that managing feelings of anger can be especially difficult. However, it’s extremely important that you do. So, it’s time to delve into some advice on how you can avoid letting your anger negatively affect your parenting.

How can I avoid letting my anger negatively affect my parenting?

Regularly hold family meetings to talk about feelings. Creating an environment of openness in your family home is always a positive step for dealing with any emotional issues that can arise between family members. When family members are communicating with each other regularly, problems are more likely to be resolved. So, if you see that anger is an issue that is evolving within your family, call regular family meetings to re-evaluate how everyone is feeling, and how any negative feelings can be dealt with.

Eliminate any fear your child may feel in approaching you. It’s really important that your child always feels comfortable approaching you, as this will allow them to talk about their feelings and communicate what’s on their mind. However, if you’ve blown up at them in the past, they may be very fearful of coming to you. You can repair this by reassuring them that they can talk to you by saying something such as “I will always listen calmly to you. I promise I will not yell.”

Learn that it is not wrong to feel angry. Many parents feel a lot of shame when they realise they have strong feelings of anger. However, it’s crucial you remember that anger isn’t something that only you feel. Everyone feels anger. Feeling anger isn’t a crime, it actually points out to you that there is something going on that isn’t sitting right with you. It’s learning to control this anger that matters.

If your anger gets out of control, always seek help. If you are becoming aware that you are having significant problems controlling your anger, then don’t try to fight this battle alone. We all need a little assistance sometimes, so contact a mental health professional so you can talk to someone, and healthily work through these feelings.

Remember that sometimes honest communication does require honest anger. Although anger may be commonly perceived as something negative, this isn’t necessarily true. It’s actually really important your child understands what it is about their behaviour that can make you angry. And if you calmly, softly, and honestly communicate this to them, it will make all the difference.

Find moments to laugh. It’s true what they say, laughter really is the best medicine, especially when it comes to anger. When you’re in the middle of a trivial upset with your child, try to find the lighter moments. They may be a lot more helpful in dispersing any difficulties than you may think!

How does my anger affect parenting?

Spoiler alert: it's complicated. Unii explains.