Being a parent is a complete adventure. A thrill-filled rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. Sometimes we’re up in the sky having an amazing time, and at other moments we’re feeling overwhelmed, confused, and unsure of what to do next.

Children are very emotional creatures. All humans are, in fact. But children, young children especially, are at an age where they are experiencing intense emotions for the first time, which can result in them acting in all sorts of ways. As a parent, it can be difficult to know how to support your child with the range of different emotions they experience, to step into their shoes and see the world through their little eyes. Many adults struggle with talking about their own emotions themselves.

But to crack the code on what’s behind our children’s emotions, and how we can help them thrive, we have to properly understand the mammalian brain.

What is the mammalian brain?

“The fact that the thinking brain grew from the emotional reveals much about the relationship of thought to feeling: there was an emotional brain long before there was a rational one.” (Daniel Goleman 1996)

The mammalian - or ‘limbic’ brain - is a section of the brain that controls emotions, memories, self-esteem, sense of identity and belief in ourselves, and the need for touch and affection. Named after the fact that this part of the brain is shared by all mammals, scientists believe that this area developed before the ‘human thinking (neocortex) brain’. In other words, the emotional brain was around long before the rational brain, and should be properly supported, especially in young children.

How does the mammalian brain affect my child?

The mammalian part of the brain is extremely important in early childhood, therefore as parents, we must develop and support our preschool children’s mammalian brains in every interaction we have with them.

To help you understand exactly how the mammalian brain affects your child, let’s look at an example. Imagine that your preschool child has been settling into a new class for a term. But there has recently been pressure for them to move into the next class up, as there are more parents wanting places for their children who are a year younger than yours. Your child has not had time over the course of one term to properly settle, and they are still struggling with the environment, building friendships with peers, and understanding general routines. It practically makes more sense for them to move up, and so they do. And when they express their unhappiness and discomfort a few weeks after the move, they are told to ‘be a big boy/girl and get on with it’. They continue to exhibit difficult behaviour as the weeks go on, but teachers ignore it and label it as ‘a phase’.

In this situation, are their feelings being listened and catered to by adults controlling the situation? Or more specifically, is their mammalian brain being listened and catered to?

This example teaches us that it’s vital we take into consideration how our words and actions affect our preschool kids, and that we properly understand what’s behind the unconscious reactions we might inevitably see in them.

How can I put this knowledge into practice?

Now that we understand a little more about the mammalian brain, how it affects your child, and how we can support it, how do we put this knowledge into practice?

Even if you happen to be someone that finds it difficult to discuss your emotions with others, practice being more open with your child. Encourage open and honest conversations, and show them that their emotions and feelings are welcome. This will help your child feel supported, listened to and loved.

In addition, when you feel like your child might be ‘misbehaving’ or being ‘naughty’, pause for a minute. Think about what you have learned about the mammalian brain and how it contributes to your child’s behaviour, and take a moment to think about what might be behind this behaviour, and don’t forget the emotional needs of your child’s brain.

How does my preschooler's mammalian brain affect them?

Unii on how the limbic brain impacts a child’s behavioural and emotional responses.