To help our children learn, develop, and thrive in every area possible is the ultimate aim of every parent. Ultimately, we want to make sure we do and say the right things to help them flourish in life. Yet in the often chaotic journey through parenting, have you ever considered that you might be acting as an obstacle in their development without even realising it?

We know you love your children more than anything in the world and that you always have good intentions for them. We also know that the intensity of your love for them comes hand-in-hand with the need to control many situations they will find themselves in - especially during the preschool age. For example, you may feel the need to shout at them to ‘slow down!’ when they run too fast, or to keep asking them to finish their dinner when they refuse to.

Although it may feel like you’re doing everything you can to be a good parent, human beings, and young human beings in particular, are much more complex than we realise. So in order for us to properly understand our little ones, their brains, and what we can do to properly aid their positive development, we have to understand the reptilian brain.

But first, what exactly is the reptilian brain?

What is the reptilian brain?

It’s a funny thought that we share a part of our brains with those of reptiles and other mammals, yet it is undeniably true.

The reptilian brain is a section of our brain that sits close to the top of the spinal column, and is named after the functions of the brains found in early primitive reptiles. It controls our responses to what is happening around us, like danger, and other bodily functions. Basically, when you feel the need for food, warmth, sleep, routine, and people around you who make you feel safe - it’s all the work of your reptilian brain!

How does my child’s reptilian brain affect them?

When we relate this to your preschool child - exactly the same things are happening in their reptilian brain, yet they’re even more heightened in many ways. Everything is new and exciting, everything is a stimulus. Young children are at a vital stage of development, and catering to the needs of their young reptilian brain as it acts in different ways to try to feel safe, secure, heard and understood, is essential for their ability to learn, develop, and thrive.

Let’s think about this in terms of a real-life example for a moment. Let’s suppose your child knocks a glass of Ribena with their elbow while at their easel painting a picture. The glass drops on the floor and smashes, and the paints topple over and spill all over the floor. Your immediate reaction may be to go into ‘blame’ mode, and shout at them in frustration. But this will cause their reptilian brain to feel stress, fear, hurt and even anger, when what it really needs in this situation is patience, warmth and love. If this type of situation happens repeatedly as they go through life, a child will learn to go into fight or flight mode in every potentially stressful situation without even thinking about it. Because they simply haven’t been given the space for their reptilian brain to process difficult experiences and feelings properly.

How can I use this knowledge in real life?

Ultimately, your child needs space and time to figure things out as they grow. To understand who they are, who they might want to be, why they are unique, what they like and what they don't like, among many, many other things. To do this, you as their parent need to provide an enabling environment, and help to facilitate positive relationships in their lives in any way you can.

In order to know how to use this information in real life, remember the reptilian brain in every situation you find yourself in with your child. When they scream, cry, complain, throw a tantrum, don’t talk, talk a lot, or run around excitedly, among all other types of behaviour, take a moment to consider why they might be acting like this before you react or jump to calling them ‘naughty’. Become more conscious of how you are talking to them, the language you use, the tone and volume of your voice, and the nature of your body language.

How does my preschooler’s reptilian brain affect their development?

Unii explores the self-preserving part of your child’s growing brain.