When you have a preschool child, bedtime tends to go one of two ways. For example, on Monday, your little one might be overjoyed to jump into bed, happily listen to one of their favourite stories and drift off into a deep, peaceful sleep till the morning comes. But on Tuesday, it could be a totally different story. As soon as you flick the night light on and begin to creep out the door, a little voice will suddenly pipe up, uttering the words, “Mummy, I’m scared the monsters under the bed are going to get me!”

And just like that, your own bedtime routine of sipping a glass of wine while watching your favourite show goes straight out the window, and the whole evening is dedicated to trying to soothe your child’s bedtime anxiety.

But what exactly is bedtime anxiety?

What is bedtime anxiety?

Bedtime anxiety is an extremely common occurrence in young children, especially at preschool age, and is often due to the fact that they don’t feel confident about falling asleep on their own. Many children feel extremely anxious by the idea of falling asleep without someone they trust (like a parent) there to comfort them through the process.

Whatever the reason behind the bedtime anxiety your child may be displaying, falling asleep independently and learning to self-soothe is one of the most important skills for them to master during this age. And you, as their parent, play a significant role in helping them with this. Especially since, without realising, you may have unintentionally trained your child to develop and use anxious behaviours by consistently staying with them until they fall asleep.

So, now that we know what bedtime anxiety is, let’s look at some practical ways you can combat it in your own life.

How to combat my child’s bedtime anxiety?

We understand that dealing with your child experiencing bedtime anxiety can feel extremely stressful and relentless. But it’s important to remember that this phase will come to an end, and that there are many ways to combat this problem! Keep in mind that by working through different, simple techniques, your child will naturally begin to shift from an anxious mindset into a calmer one. Given time, patience and persistence, bedtime anxiety will be a distant memory for you and your family. Your child will feel cosy, comfortable, and assured that their bed is a safe place to be.

So, if you’re wondering what the approaches are, and in what order to go about them, then let us introduce you to some useful techniques:

Evaluate whether your child’s anxiety at bedtime is real. Although it may be natural to believe that your child has genuine anxiety surrounding bedtime, it’s also common for children to report anxiety simply because they do not yet understand how to fall asleep independently. Asking yourself questions such as, ‘does my child report many more fears at bedtime than in the daytime?' and ‘does my child fall asleep quickly and without much fear if someone lies down with her?’ can be very helpful.
Use a gradual approach. If your child tends to be anxious, then it might work to use a more gradual approach when helping them become a better sleeper. For example, slowly introducing clear limits surrounding your child’s bedtime will mean that they don’t become overwhelmed.
Use a night light. If your child is showing signs of being afraid of the dark, then remember that using a night light and a small reading light can help your child fall asleep with less anxiety.
Make a list of fears. If your child is showcasing a fear of their own bedroom, sometimes the best thing to do is to sit with them and make a list of their fears in order (from the easiest to manage to the hardest). This way, you are creating space for them to talk about their worries, while helping them to get more comfortable with each step until they feel safe in their room again.
Establish a ‘worry time’. Many preschool children will tend to worry in bed at night, and this can become overwhelming. To combat this, try setting aside a ‘worry time’ in the day instead, so that your child has time to talk to you about any worries they might have.
Evaluate your own behaviours. Children are heavily influenced by their parents' behaviour. Therefore, it’s crucial to evaluate how you are acting around your child, as this could be making their anxiety in relation to bedtime worse. For example, if you unknowingly give them more attention and time when they report feelings of being anxious, then this in turn can create an unhealthy pattern.

It's recommended for parents to consider their child's individual needs, consult with paediatricians or child psychologists, and tailor the strategies accordingly.

How should I deal with my child’s bedtime anxiety?

How to help a child who worries about going to sleep.