When your little one pulls on the dog’s tail or hits their brother, or even when they turn away when grandma leans in for a kiss, we may instinctively feel that they are being naughty. We might tell them to be nice to the dog or not to hit their brother, to stop being silly and give grandma a big kiss. But our responses do very little to change their behaviour.

It can be difficult to know what to do when your young child misbehaves. We certainly don’t want to shout at them or discipline them in such a way that harms them, but sometimes it feels like all they do is misbehave.

Why are kids so mischievous at this age?

At this young age, your child won’t yet have an idea of what is “good” or “bad”, nor will they understand the concept of rules or warnings. So when they behave in this way, it doesn’t mean that you have failed as a parent or that they are behaving badly. They’re simply acting on impulse. It will take many years of firm yet gentle guidance for them to fully understand what you expect of them and develop the self-control to meet these expectations.

So, in actual fact, they’re not misbehaving at all, nor trying to annoy and embarrass you, just simply doing what comes naturally to them. And with all of this in mind, we can now explore how to effectively discipline your little one.

So how do I discipline my 1 to 2-year-old?

First of all, know that discipline is not the same as punishment. To discipline your child is to teach and instruct them. This means that every time they see you being kind and honest, sharing and trusting, your child is learning how to behave appropriately.

Catch them being good. Make sure to always offer plenty of praise for those good behaviours you want to see. Even if your child is being especially naughty, try to find the energy to give them a hug or exclaim your excitement when they eat their dinner or share a toy with their sibling.

It’s important that you have realistic expectations. Don’t forget that your child is still very young, which means they’ll make mistakes, and can’t be expected to sit quietly, even if they’re generally relatively well-behaved.

Telling them once isn’t enough. You’ll likely need to repeat any rules and directions many times before your 1 to 2-year-old understands them and reacts accordingly. For children this young, it’s really a matter of trial and error. And make sure directions are delivered in a concise, calm and clear way.

Don’t have too many rules. For this age group, you shouldn’t need very many rules. When deciding whether to introduce a new rule ask yourself, “is it to keep them safe?” If the answer is no, it probably isn’t necessary. There is one exception to that rule, as follows.

They should be taught that hitting, kicking and biting are not okay. Once they have understood this, you can begin teaching them not to scream in public, draw on the walls, or throw food.

Recognise that they will sometimes break your rules, and come up with an appropriate response. It will take time and plenty of reminders before a rule really sticks, and even then, it might be broken every now and again. If this happens, no matter how angry you feel, never resort to physical or emotional punishments that hurt your child. Aside from potentially harming your child, physical and emotional punishment teaches them that it is okay to hurt others, and it will harm your future relationship. Instead, you can use the following.

Use facial expressions, tone of voice and time-outs. For younger children with a limited vocabulary, facial expressions and different tones of voice will really help them understand when you are happy or unhappy with their behaviour, while long lectures and scoldings will only confuse them. You can also use time-outs to varying degrees. A young one-year-old can sit on your lap and still be in time-out by sitting with their back to you and you not engaging with them. As they get a bit older, they can sit on the bottom step or in a quiet corner, without any games and with as little attention as you can give while keeping an eye on them. As safe spaces, bedrooms and cots shouldn’t be used for time-outs.

Be consistent and calm. Once you establish a rule, be consistent and stick to it. This also goes for any routines you may have set in place. And when you feel yourself getting angry, take a few deep breaths and remind yourself your little one isn’t trying to annoy or embarrass you, nor are they a bad kid. There are no bad kids, just bad behaviours!

How should I discipline my 1 - 2-year-old?

Toddlers need a word at times. Unii shares how to discipline them.