You’re hurrying down the aisles of your local supermarket, busy doing the weekly shop with your one-year-old toddler. As you’re in a bit of a hurry, you grab their hand and walk briskly past the sweet aisle on your way to pick up some bread.

You’re not bothered about missing out on a sweet fix, but the same can’t be said for your red-faced child who has spotted the rows of fizzy Haribos and demanded that you go back to pick up a pack.

After telling them no, all hell breaks loose. Your child launches into a full-blown tantrum, tears streaming, fists flying in the air yelling at the top of their voice. Suddenly, your quick shopping trip turns upside down as you try to calm them down, pick them up off the floor, and avoid any further embarrassment.

Parents, we’ve all been there. Coping with temper tantrums isn’t easy, but if you take the time to learn about ways in which you can deal with them calmly, then that’s half of the battle won.

So, let’s explore why your toddler may be experiencing temper tantrums and what you can do to deal with them.

Why is my toddler experiencing temper tantrums?

Believe it or not, temper tantrums are actually a perfectly normal part of your child’s development. They are a way for them to deal with conflict and express how they feel.

If you take a moment to think about the point of view from the eyes of your tiny toddler, the world very much revolves around them. That’s not an intentionally selfish viewpoint they have, it’s simply the stage of development they are at. At this stage of life, your child is trying to be independent. Once in a while, when your child becomes frustrated, they will struggle to understand why this is happening. Having a temper tantrum is the only way they feel they can express their anger or upset.

Now that we understand a bit more about why children experience temper tantrums, let’s look into how you can minimise them in your own life, both in number and intensity!

How can I minimise my toddler’s temper tantrums?

Choose your battles wisely.

When it comes to your toddler, it’s often a very good idea to pick your battles. Remember, your child won’t throw a tantrum unless you push them first, so sometimes it’s worth analysing whether always saying “no” is always worth it. If it’s something small like making sure they eat their greens before anything else, sometimes it’s best to just let it go.

Offer limited choices where possible.

Temper tantrums can sometimes arise from your child feeling like they don’t have much of a choice in a situation. Therefore, it’s important you help them feel like they have some sense of control. This can be done by giving them limited choices where possible. For example, you could let them decide what pyjamas to wear or which story to read.

Don’t overreact when your toddler says “no”.

We know it can feel trying when your toddler immediately says “no” to any request or instruction you give them. However, try to understand that this is coming from a place of them wanting to be in control. Therefore, don’t overreact in this situation. Instead, repeat your request calmly and clearly and don’t punish them.

Use a friendly tone.

If you would like your toddler to do something, phrasing your request with a friendly tone can be very helpful. In addition, try to word your request like an invitation instead of a command. This way your toddler will feel like they have some choice in the matter, and some control over what they do next.

Don’t offer choices where none exists and don’t make deals.

Little children will always try to make deals with you in order to get their way. However, the way in which you respond to this is important, as it sets the tone for what they know they can get away with. For example, if they ask for an extra cookie or chocolate bar for cooperating with your rules, if you feel they don’t deserve it, don’t give in.

Anticipate situations that are likely to trigger a tantrum.

When you know your child’s patterns in relation to tantrums, it can be easier to anticipate when they are going to have one and what situations may trigger them. For example, if your child always seems to make a scene in the grocery store, arrange for them to stay with your partner or another trusted adult while you are carrying out this task.

Reward good behaviour.

Young children respond well to praise; it encourages them to carry on the behaviour they have been showing. Therefore, if you feel they have been behaving well, make sure to praise them! For example, if they have demonstrated that they can sit quietly with a book, show them that you approve of this by simply sitting with them.

How to deal with my 1- to 2-year-old's temper tantrums

Keep calm and get down to their level to start, says Unii.